Not pregnant this month. This is the first month we started trying again after losing him. I feel broken. Took no less than 6 pregnancy tests, all negative. I think I have a luteal phase defect now. I have one baby alive and one baby dead and now maybe I wont have anymore babies at all.

I just want to scream and hit someone in the face. This is NOT FAIR!!!!!

Nothing is fair anymore, is it?

No, it's not fair.
This is our first month of trying, and I'm not hopeful.
Wishing you love and luck for next month.

We're 4 months in. And still, nothing. It is frustrating. Along with the million pregnant women I work with who ramble on and on and on about their swollen feet, and nausea, etc. I want to smack them.

We are trying again this month as well, but keeping it quiet for a lot of reasons. Mostly because there are still tests outstanding (though my doc said we could try again if we wanted, that they were really peace of mind tests and he didn't expect to find anything), but also because most of the people around us think we need to wait longer or don't understand why the doc would say we could if we wanted.

And honestly? I'm exhausted. We are not doing the whole, guns blazing intensive thing we were doing before with a hundred different supplements, opk's twice a day, temp charting and everything. Just monitoring cervical fluid and taking an opk every other day or so (not dark enough yet to try everyday) and having sex.

What's really making me tired though is the depressing though that here we are again. We tried for over a year and had a miscarriage and then lost our son late in pregnancy after we were supposed to have been safe. So here we are, going through it all again, back at square one again and it's even worse because there are no promises it all.

I simultaneously long for and dread being pregnant again. Because it was awful last time. And it wasn't worth it. I kept telling myself that all the trouble, all the illness, all the restrictions were worth it because we were having our baby, but then we didn't and it wasn't. It was all just pain.

Nothing is fair and this part sucks so much. Because you can't make it happen and when it does you can't make it go right. I hate it. And I'm sorry it didn't work out for you this month.