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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

for one and all > feeling lost and alone

i've just had to give birth to my 19 week old baby boy i feel num in side and alone my hearts broken into peaces. i was injucie 3 time on saturday started at 7 am and was'nt over untill 5.45 pm came home on sunday and though the night my breats started to fill up with milk for my baby this is the second time i've been though this but this time it feel's more painful and i feel more alone.
October 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterprem
I don't know if there's any way to not feel alone - but at least we can cry together. I'm so sorry.

All I can say is there's usually somebody here, a little lifeline to cling to when you need it. Every loss is different, you don't miss your first baby less, just have had more time to learn to adjust to that hole in your family, and then didn't expect to have to deal with it again. There are different hurts from losing our first child than from losing Aeryn - one of them being that he/she has no resting place and no name - but you'll probably also be grieving your first lost baby as well as your boy so it's going to be rough. I wish I had some kind of wonderful magic reassurances but the best I can manage is sympathy and here's a virtual shoulder to cry on. Hang in there as best you can.
October 21, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKatherine
just wanted to say i'm so so sorry, Prem. the milk coming in after my son's death broke my heart...there is some advice on dealing with it on the sidebar to the left here.

wishing you strength.
October 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBon
I am so terribly sorry, prem.
the milk coming in after a baby is lost is just the most brutal and cruel thing in the world. I hope it has subsided now.

sending you love and strength... it is a long, hard road ahead but you are definitely not alone.
October 30, 2008 | Registered Commenterjanis
I am so sorry for your loss, sending you strength. You are not alone.
November 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMonique
We went upstairs, Samuel's Mama and I, to the bedroom. It was day #5 after the moment of his shared birth and death. It was the same day she was burying her firstborn son, and to put a cruel twist into things, her milk came in that morning.

"What do I do? I just don't know what to do with this..." she said.

We called the midwife, who suggested we bind her breasts. So, with a borrowed ace bandage, shaking hands, and tears, we together bound her newly-filled breasts, bursting with milk for her baby who did not live.

She asked, "How is it that my breasts didn't get the message that he died?"
February 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMary Burgess