It's like I can't really acknowledge anything right now, just kind of a shutdown. I don't touch her things, I sort of clean around her little memory box, the scrapbook remains unfinished. I've donated the grief books (I read them so much I don't need them now, not that I have an eidetic memory but I have good retention) to the hospital so that some other mother and father can use them. I have donated all her clothes and things. I've started donating the things we were holding onto "for future babies" just because I don't see the point in hanging onto them when everything's so up in the air, and if we ever have another child even by adoption or whatever I think I'd feel better racing around at the last minute trying to find things the way we did with my son. I'm still tired and short tempered, and just numb.

Is this numbness a phase or is this how I'll feel the rest of my life?

Katherine, I'm so sorry you're having some hard times...no advice on how you're going to feel because I'm new on this shitty journey we're all on so pretty much in the same boat.

Just hoping you have some better moments ahead.

Monique