I would like to open an area of discussion for Babylost Mamas who are pregnant or trying to get pregnant again after their loss. I hope that by keeping ourselves contained to this discussion area, we can avoid causing too much pain to those who don't want to hear anything about pregnancy. But I imagine there are those who, like me, are struggling through this very strange time and need the unique support of this community.
Have you been through this? Successfully brought a living child into the world after your lost baby? Trying to now?

I'm in the process--27 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy has been full of anxiety for me and I've found it hard to think too much about actually having the baby. I'm making progress on that though.

My first baby was born alive and lived for 6 months. He had health issues from the beginning, but we thought (assumed, believed) that he'd make it. He died year on December 17 and we buried him on December 22. My due date this time? December 22. I'm having a planned C-section, tentatively scheduled for December 11. I'm hoping for a healthy baby and the strength to get through the first anniversary of my son's death.

If you don't get the responses you are looking for here, you might try SPALS (http://www.spals.com/)--it's a group for subsequent pregnancy after loss.

I have had a successful pregnancy, finally. My first was a miscarriage, my second was my daughter who was stillborn at 40 weeks, she was followed by 6 more miscarriages. My 9th pregnancy brought me my son.

How was it? Beautiful and terrible. My son was born on the day my daughter died so that was emotional. His labor and delivery were scary since the same problem that killed my daughter were happening to him as well, but all turned out well. Now that I am on this end of things looking back I can say it was a healing experience but tinged with fear and hope.

Thank you to everyone who has responded. It is easier feeling less alone. I am 7 weeks pregnant. We had our first sono last week, and it did not go well. It is still possible that this is a normal pregnancy, but not all that likely. I expected to struggle with fear that I would lose this baby too, but I also took for granted that I would have a healthy, normal pregnancy, since we never had a single problem when I was pregnant with Oliver until the cord accident. The sono last week made me realize how foolish an assumption that was, and also made me feel foolish for thinking I can handle this. I am having another sono tomorrow. I guess all I can do is hope for better news. Thank you again.

Sarah, this is such a good idea.... your discussion area here gives me a good idea too. Give me a few days, but I think what we'll do is create a series of separate discussion boards - one for babylost mamas dealing with infertility, one for those TTC, one for those who are pregnant, as a start.

What an excellent thing you've sparked here. We'll be sure to post about it on the main page when it's done.

Hi Sarah. My husband and I are trying again, now 4 months out. Interviewing potential new OBs (we had been followed by midwives previously but that option is no longer medically open to us) and have not clicked with anyone. Living in a very small rural community makes me want to scream in frustration at our lack of options.

I think I remember from your previous post that you are now expecting, and hope you have been doing well.

I am glad to see this as a discussion topic. It weighs heavily on me and my husband. It has been 6 months since the death of our 9 month old son, and the thought of getting pregnant seems both absolutely essential and somewhat frightening. I worry a little about getting pregnant while I still feel so sad so often. I wonder how those sad brain chemicals would affect the baby. I wonder if my body is too depleted, too, after 9 months of pregnancy, then 9 months of sleep deprivation from raising Sage, and then 6 months of sleep deprivation from losing Sage. I just want my body and mind to be strong again before I get try to have another child. I so look forward to the day that I can write a celebratory post about being pregnant. It will feel good to have something so joyful to share.

I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant. I'll deliver in December about a week before the first anniversary of the death of my son.

My husband and I chose to start trying again in March of this year. Originally I thought I'd get through the summer, be a bit further along in my grieving, have some time to get back in shape (I still had most of my weight from my first pregnancy and gained quite a bit more during the 3 months my son was in the hospital). But there we were in March: I was three months out from my son's death and in a very low point. In many ways I didn't know if I was ready, and had I done the math and figured out when the baby would be born if we got pregnant right away, I might have held off. But my sister-in-law had just gone on hospice care, my mother-in-law diagnosed with a progressive, untreatable condition, and I felt sickness, death, and heaviness everywhere around me. Something in me needed to be actively working for life, even as I grieved. I do believe my grief will become less intense, less raw over time, but I wasn't convinced I could wait until I got there to try to have another baby.

This pregnancy has been challenging. Physically and emotionally I am exhausted. Being pregnant has given me hope and joy, but also filled me with a lot of anxiety. It is only in the last month or so that I have started to feel really connected with the baby and that I've been able to start to believe that the baby might be born alive and healthy. I continue to hope and pray that he/she will be.

I'm a week away from starting another frozen embryo transfer cycle. A year ago, I was just starting my second trimester. I'm struggling. I want, I need to try again. Lennox and Zoe came to us from this same batch of embryos. At the same time, I'm so afraid. I'm not sure what would happen to me, to us, if something goes wrong this time. We need to be complete, though. Zoe and Lennox showed us just what was missing from our family and we feel that void constantly now. I'm taking as much comfort as I can from the fact that, should this cycle work, the timeline will be so different from my first pregnancy. I think I would have found it far too painful to be hitting milestones on or around the same dates as last year. I suppose you find what comfort you can, right? I just wish I could feel hopeful or excited.

I can tell you that the weeks and months after the birth and death of our first child, my husband and I knew we wanted to have more children, we just didn't know when. We did know that our next child would be our second, not a replacement of our first. This proved to be very important in our healing and our ability to be good parents to our second daughter, now 16, and our son, now 12.

Although the pregancies were stressful and full of worry, hope won out and I can't imagine not enjoying the lives of my two younger children.

Well it is 11 months since we lost Scott.
My husband is planning and counting months and potential due dates..he really really wants that 3.5th child.

My kids too. Both want babies in their lives.

Is that enough reason?

I keep hoping I will get pregnant by accident so that I have no say in the matter...to just roll along with 'fate.'

I don't want to think about it...
I look at my lists of pro's and con's.....

I argue for and against....

I can't THINK about it at all really.....

My son's fifth anniversary was on September 23rd. On Sunday, the 28th, we found out I'm pregnant.

I'm thrilled to death. I'm scared as hell. There is an awful lot to be worried about.

The 1st anniversary of our son's death is on December 26th, 2008. I am not looking forward to that day or the days leading up to it. My husband and I wanted him so badly. We also want him to have a few more brothers or sisters to take care of. We have not begun to start having another but plan to very soon. I am excited, scared and anxious all at the same time. I enjoyed my pregnancy with my son Jacob so much, that I am afraid it will not be the same for the second child. I only pray that we will get to see our next child smile, cry and open his/her eyes to see us. Most of all I hope to take him/her home to help us start a family!

I have been through a miscarriage, then a death of a baby, then another miscarriage, then the adoptive mother backed out last minute, then trying for over a year to get pregnant again. Tonight... I just found out that I am pregnant. I have never in my life been so happy. I have not felt happiness like this in years. I am scared out of my mind... but trying and losing at this point is better than constantly being told NO, you can't do this. So here begins another journey. I only pray this one ends happy. At least this time I will enjoy every painful second.

I am currently 14 weeks pregnant after the stillborn loss of my daughter, Jan. 31, 2008. We were on clomid (50mg) and after 3 months I became pregnant. To be very honest, I wish I (we) would have waited at least a year to fully greif the loss of our first and only child to date. I feel like I'm not allowed to grief fully now, worried for my bloodpressure and anything else that might happen. Trying to live in a world without my daughter is the worst pain, but to try to live in a world without my daughter and possibly another living child, at this point - is hell. Although I wish nothing ill on this child, and hope and pray it turns out different this time, I am not connected to this pregnancy as I was with my daughter.

Tracey, make sure you do continue to grieve. I got pregnant about three months after my son died, and I have been grieving throughout my pregnancy. Surprisingly, despite my grief and my anxiety during this pregnancy, my blood pressure has been better than it was during my last pregnancy. I was not very connected to my pregnancy or to this baby for a long time, but slowly as thing progressed, I opened myself up to the baby. I wanted the baby so much from the start, but I was so scared to be hopeful. May you find a connection as things progress. Hoping all goes well.

It has been 6 months since I lost my son. He was a day shy of his first birthday.

I am desperate to be pregnant again. But so scared.

It is 7 months since we lost our daughter during labour. I am now almost 4 months pregnant with our third child. My other daughter is a healthy and happy 2 year old. I have found it very difficult to cope emotionally during this pregnancy so far, but I'm desperately trying to stay hopeful. I never thought I would be strong enough to deal with something as terrible as losing Iris, but somehow we're getting through it. All I can do is believe that things will be well, whatever happens. I have to hold on to the idea that even if this pregnancy doesn't work out the way we want, we will be OK.