for one and all > Sorted through & donated today
Dear Katherine,
I have had 2 miscarriages, 1 little boy who was born sound asleep and 2 little healthy girls.
No one in my family speaks about the two that I never got to meet. Almost like it didn't happen. I am not upset about it because I think they don't mention anything because they don't want to upset me. It's not that they don't care.
Your family may just not want to upset you since you have been through something so traumatic. I think some people would believe that having a miscarriage is easier than giving birth to a baby that is sound asleep. People just don't understand. It all comes down to that individual person who has suffered the losses and how they feel. Some people are just too frightened to ask.
I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. I would love to do something for the little one that you lost and you sweet Aeryn too. Maybe if you feel like it one day you could visit my webpage www.namesinthesand.blogspot.com and see what you think.
Wishing you lots of Love,
Carly x
I have had 2 miscarriages, 1 little boy who was born sound asleep and 2 little healthy girls.
No one in my family speaks about the two that I never got to meet. Almost like it didn't happen. I am not upset about it because I think they don't mention anything because they don't want to upset me. It's not that they don't care.
Your family may just not want to upset you since you have been through something so traumatic. I think some people would believe that having a miscarriage is easier than giving birth to a baby that is sound asleep. People just don't understand. It all comes down to that individual person who has suffered the losses and how they feel. Some people are just too frightened to ask.
I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. I would love to do something for the little one that you lost and you sweet Aeryn too. Maybe if you feel like it one day you could visit my webpage www.namesinthesand.blogspot.com and see what you think.
Wishing you lots of Love,
Carly x
September 7, 2008 |
Carly
Carly
I'm sorry katherine... ((hugs))
Like Carly said, sometimes it's because they just dunno what to do or say. Often it is because the pain is too much for them to handle, they do not want to be so near and intimate to it, so they shut down and put a barrier, try to pretend nothing happened... ... you may be right gestational age has smth to do with it too.
But, it's all what others think. We know how you feel in your heart. ((hugs))
Like Carly said, sometimes it's because they just dunno what to do or say. Often it is because the pain is too much for them to handle, they do not want to be so near and intimate to it, so they shut down and put a barrier, try to pretend nothing happened... ... you may be right gestational age has smth to do with it too.
But, it's all what others think. We know how you feel in your heart. ((hugs))
September 9, 2008 |
janis
janis
Just seems to keep getting rougher. I went through the boxes of boy and gender-neutral stuff in the closet and weeded it down today. I actually gave a good bit of the nicer bigger stuff to my neighbor since she has a little girl who could wear it this winter.
It's like I'm standing on a cliff edge, not meaning to jump, but waiting to see if maybe I'll fall. I don't want to actually make a decision about having more kids, so I just keep getting rid of more stuff a bit at a time and I don't do anything about my weight so I can say "Well, physically it would still be pretty dangerous for me to be pregnant." Making a decision by not making a decision, I guess.
It's like I'm standing on a cliff edge, not meaning to jump, but waiting to see if maybe I'll fall. I don't want to actually make a decision about having more kids, so I just keep getting rid of more stuff a bit at a time and I don't do anything about my weight so I can say "Well, physically it would still be pretty dangerous for me to be pregnant." Making a decision by not making a decision, I guess.
November 15, 2008 |
Katherine
Katherine
When I was over at my mother's cleaning last week I found all of Aeryn's things that had been spirited off to her house.
It was pretty rough but I sorted through and gave most of them to the Goodwill. Someone might as well use them. If it was a matter of knowing for sure we were going to have more kids and that any subsequent children would have to have those clothes, it might have been different, but I saved only gender-neutral clothes, many of which were left over from our son anyway. The only things I kept specifically were my christening gown (which had been washed up for her), my coming home outfit (which had been washed up for her to come home in), one outfit which I'd picked especially for her, and the little pink onesie my husband brought home when we found out she was a girl. My baby clothes, maybe I could bear to put another child in; they weren't for her so much as they were things I had already. The other clothes, though, I knew I'd never be able to put on another of my children if we decide to try to have any more.
With the miscarriage, I was forced to reuse things, my family just put them away and said I needed to reuse them. With Aeryn's death, nobody questioned my need to get rid of things. The difference in how my family treats me talking about the two of them is becoming more and more distressing. We "erased/locked up" the first child altogether, but Aeryn can be openly mourned and talked about. I just find it confusing.
Those of you who have suffered multiple losses, do you find that people do this to you, treat your losses as less so or more so according to gestational age or something?