There is something that has been on my heart for a while now and I have spoken to people about it but I decided to ask some babylost mamas who have been through the same thing as myself.

In just over two weeks time it will be 19 months since my sweet heart Christian went to Heaven. I still have his ashes. . . is that wrong? Should I be burying them or scattering them. I really don't know what to do. I think I am frightened of letting him go, maybe I haven't honestly 'let him go' even though he has been gone for a while now.

I have had one thought. Do you think it would be beautiful to scatter them slowly? Maybe scattering them on our travels through out my life time so that he may reach all parts of the world. Somebody told my husband that I should just bury them and put the matter to rest,

Does anyone have an opinion or even thoughts on keeping his ashes, burying them or scattering them. I would love to hear anyones experiences too. If you have some time please let me know what you think. I would really appreciate it.

Thank You, Thank You!

Much Love,

Carly x

Hi Carly,

I wonder about this too. For now I am happy to keep Jordan in her display cupboard with all her things but I like the idea of scattering her slowly over time. For years now I have had a dream of travelling to Egypt and seeing the pyramids but this dream is years away from ever happening. I tell Aaron that if I died before I made that trip that he would have to smuggle me over there somehow and scatter my ashes throughout the tour. Now I am thinking hmmm if I do make it, maybe I'll do this for Jordan too. Or wait until I am dead and have someone else do this for both of us.

I read a while back about something interesting to do with ashes. There is a company you can send the ashes too that will turn the ashes into a coloured diamond. If you didn't want to say goodbye you could wear them on a ring for the rest of your life. Cute hey? Expensive though. I worked it out to be about $10,000 Australian, though I might be wrong about that. If I had a lot of money I might be tempted to do this.

I worry about what other people think about my having Jordan's ashes with me at home. But I have to say it FEELS right to me. Keeps her more real to me. I think it would be a lot easier to fall into the whole "was it just a dream?' thing if I didn't have her ashes sitting in an urn as a contant reminder of her life and of her death.

Hi Carly -

This is something for which there is no one "right" answer... only what is right for you. Whether it is to keep them, bury them, scatter them depends only on your heart. If you don't yet feel ready to make a decision, then don't. You will know when/if it is ever the right time to do something - and what that something may be.

Michelle

Carly, funny you posted this today. as i mentioned in the post i put up on the main page today, we cremated Finn more than 3 years ago now, and still have his ashes at home. and i feel ambivalent about that...in part as if we've failed to construct a suitable "occasion" for letting them go. but a larger part of me also thinks maybe it would be nice to scatter them later, with his younger siblings there and able in some way to participate. then i wonder if that's morbid? sigh.

i guess it comes down to there being no right way or right thing...if you keep his ashes with you into your old age, who will that harm? if you find the "right time" or "right place" for you two or ten years hence, then that's good too.

Do what works for you...we have Scott's ashes in a little ceramic baby alphabet cube...simple and small...it sits on a table in the corner with a photo box with his name on it that family gave us...AND his memory box.

Do what works for you...

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and experiences, I really appreciate it. We have decided to scatter them slowly on our travels. We will also let our daughters do the same once they are grown up and are on their own travels.

I feel a real peace about this now so Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Wishing you all lovely things :)

Carly x

I started crying reading your idea of scattering them on your travels. Love that idea. We buried our son's ashes. Now I wish I hadn't. Spread them around the world!!!!!!!!!!!!
Courtney

I'm going to keep my baby's remains with me for the rest of my life. Personally, I wonder why people would find it strange to keep the ashes/remains - seems natural to me. Is it because it's the accepted process to scatter the ashes? To say goodbye I think..but why, if they're forever in our hearts. I guess it's symbolic so their soul can be free to leave and ascend to heaven, knowing we're at peace. God help if we can't let go then huh..lol ohh. Anyway I think people should follow their heart, like others have said.
I wasn't able to cremate my baby, he/she was too young and it was unlikely any ashes would be left. So I had the remains returned to me in heat-sealed plastic placed inside a container, plus all the slides and blocks, for when the hospital did testing. The hospital normally keep the latter but I didn't want to leave any part of my baby behind. Most likely the wax block encased the foetus. At least that part of it will last for good. I'm having all of it (including the scans, test sticks etc) buried with me when I die..or else cremated along with me..haven't decided yet.
In the meantime, I plan to find a cabinet or stand to place my baby and related items..create a mini-shrine (as asian cultures do) with incense, plus possibly food offerings as time passes - all this as a nod to tradition..asian people tend to do this at grave-sites..food & drink lined 3 in a row in front of the grave. Like for my grandfather, I used to symbolically pour a bit a spirits (lol, there's a pun there) out of 3 little tea-cups onto the ground then gestured my hands forward 3 times, whilst in prayer-mode.

I can't say that it's wrong or right. I kept my baby's ashes on my night stand for two whole years. When we started keeping torah in our home, I began to think maybe the ashes shouldn't be inside our home and maybe they should be buried as Leviticus states. So after that, we bought a stainless steel time capsule and buried his ashes with a knitted baby blanket in our garden. I'm happy that his ashes are still in our property and near by and now we have a little memorial garden.