Has your relationship with your significant other changed? I know they say men and women grieve differently, but my husband and I may as well be on opposite sides of the planet. He seems to be contemplating our marriage and whether he wants to stay. We haven't always been the perfect couple, but we have always managed to make it work. I think he is so consumed by his grief that he now questions everything. We are going to start going to couple's therapy, but I am so scared that he is going to leave because of fear and grief. I don’t know what to do to convince him to give us a try. I know that our relationship has been neglected while we grieved for our son. How do I bridge the gap to reconnect with him? Anyone else been here?

still mom, the short answer is yes. My husband and I struggle... there's such a shadow over our relationship now since we lost the baby. You mention the 'other planet' sensation - those are my words exactly. We are on different planets. He wants me to stop talking about our daughter, to just move on, and gets frustrated with me when I just need to vent. He wants his wife back the way she was. Although I'm not miserable and depressed every day, and I'm proud of how I coped through the past couple of years, I won't be who I was.

Anyway, I really don't know the answer to your question, other than "me too". My instinct is to keep talking, even when it turns uncomfortable. Bottled up emotion becomes distance, and that... I can't bear.

At the beginning it drew us much closer together. Then? The grief and the way we processed tore us apart. We both couldn't see anything but our own pain.

My husband and I separated for 6 months about two years after our son died. It is still very tough. I don't know if we'll make it. I can't blame it all on the loss, but it left such a huge catastrophe in our lives and we are still feeling big ripple effects from it and it will be FIVE years in September.

therapy is a good thing. it may take some time to find the right person, but it's worth the effort. good luck stillmom - the fact that you are aware of the gap and wanting to bridge it speaks volumes.

My husband and I are great communicators -- usually. Things got really difficult, though, about 6 weeks after we lost the boys, when he started to really feel the loss. It hasn't been easy, but with the help of our own therapists, we have been able to restore communication, but it's still hard.

I think couples therapy is an excellent idea. May give both of you the opportunity to talk about things that are just too loaded to say alone. Someone to help mediate and clarify words and feelings.

I'm sorry for your loss.

My husband is mostly relieved. I can barely type that, but it is true. ANd he is much nicer to me now that I'm not pregnant anymore. As for me, I just shut him out. It's pretty terrible.
I'm really sorry for your loss and I wish I had words of wisdom for you. Couples therapy, or just any therapy at all is supposed to help, though I can't say from experience.

We're not talking right now, we're more like roommates, but I know that it will pass. We're just in our own little worlds. I need him back, but I'm just going to have to start knocking a little bit on the door, a little at a time. We've gotten through this once, we can get through it again, and then we've got some big decisions to make.

Not supposed to air dirty laundry outside the family so to speak, but let's just say, yes, things are a little strained. Not that either of us would consider leaving, it's just...a distance that wasn't there before. Hard to hug or kiss or even just hold hands, some days are worse than others of course. So we're working on building that bridge too.