My son AND husband really want us to try again...my son is so devasted by the loss and really LOVES babies...he is so emotional.
Dh keeps watching me to see if I am ready.
I think I am really just afraid of the fear...of putting myself through all that anxiety.
I have a specialist who will be with me from the start if I do try again...but again the though of billions of trips to the doctors and specialists makes me very uncomfortable.

Dh also worries about me getting older.

Too much....

You'll always have the fear. The pregnancy will SUCK even if it's the best pregnancy in the world because you will be afraid. But if you see yourself having more than your son in the future.. maybe now is the time to push through the fear. We'll all be here every step of the way. Good luck to you and whatever you decide.

From what I understand, pregnancy after a loss is an entirely different animal from normal pregnancy. Your eyes have been opened -- you know the worst that can happen, and that it DOES happen. And from hanging out with other babyloss mamas, you come to learn all the other ways you could possibly lose a baby. Fortunately, the Internet also makes it possible to connect with other loss mothers going through subsequent pregnancies. I know of two really great books on this subject that I can recommend to you: "Trying Again" by Ann Douglas & John Sussman, and "Pregnancy After a Loss" by Carol Cirulli Lanham. Best of luck!!

Thanks you guys..
I think part of it is..while yes...I still want another child...I really do...

I question my motives more for one thing.
Is something missing in me? Is it a baby or a kid that I want?

I am also feeling in a good head space right now...I suppose I am feeling selfish about spoiling that with anxiety and worry.

I also felt SOOO horrid mentally and physically during my 26 weeks with Scott, that I dread feeling that miserable again.

I feel that I must as you guys said..prepare for this like a marathon.

Oh and I am so glad you guys set up this site..it is beautiful and you are all beautiful.

Thank you.

I felt very, very similarly to you, Crunchy. However, I feel like I have waited too long. Someone on my blog said, "Wow, I didn't know you lost your son 5 years ago. I thought from the way you wrote it would have only been a couple of years.".

Now, I don't doubt that I would still be hurting over Matthew dying, but I think a lot of scar tissue in my heart would be less if I had another baby. If I could go back in time? I would have tried again sooner. I think some of the pain our family has gone through could have be eased.

I am hoping to try again in the next year. It's been five and I am still scared to death.

We are just getting to the point where we can talk about the *idea* of trying again, and have been wondering how people make that decision, how they get to the place where they are ready to face the challenge of pregnancy after such a loss.

I wish you luck with your decision-making.

With us, it's terrible, and this is probably sounding cold - it comes down to, I think I could handle another pregnancy physically although I would be reassured by having a deep scan of the scar since it's so extensive, mostly emotionally we'd be ok since we know what's wrong and would be eyes wide open that this is only a 50-50 chance of having another living child at the end of it all...and the insurance won't cover seeing the maternal fetal specialist. They've kicked back all the claims from last year. $0 covered.

I'm raging right now, this is a decision I'd ideally like to make without those dollar signs staring over my shoulder, but they must be considered.

My family really wants me to have another child. I look at my son, I love him, he's a great kid, and I think how much I care about my siblings, and yeah, after almost a year with Aeryn gone I think it could be something we could consider, but then those dollar signs come crashing down on me every which way we look - our income level even puts us out of the running for fostering children.

There are a lot of days I wish someone would just leave a child on my doorstep that I could keep, stick up one of those "Safe Place" signs on my house...fact is, I like kids. My family has always liked kids. Random people comment on how well-behaved and happy my son is so we can't be doing an absolutely terrible job as parents here. You get that impotent rage because there are abused and neglected kids out there - why does the universe have kids there and not here where every effort to ensure happiness would be made?

Trying again is one of those decisions that only you can make, and it's a lot of weight on you because of course everyone close to you has an opinion too. Good luck with deciding.

We lost our baby to stillbirth about eight months ago at 38 weeks. We have a four year old son. I had a miscarriage earlier this year. And now I am about six weeks along with another (hopefully living) baby.

The thing that bothers me the most is that I'm looking forward to having another child, but I'm dreading being pregnant again. Both for the physical and mental burden it will be. I don't want to tell my husband this because I don't want him to feel that I don't want another child. I do. I am just so scared and so worried that something will go wrong.

My last pregnancy was supposed to be my LAST pregnancy. And I struggle with the fact that another baby wouldn't have existed or even been considered if we hadn't lost Sam.

I really miss my old "everything will be fine if you follow the rules" self. I now know that isn't true. Life is random.