In a word, yes. They were actually worse when I was pregnant though. I couldn't watch anything on TV where something bad happened to people because I would get so anxious worrying about similar events happening in my own life.

Since our loss, I had a near panic attack the first few times my husband left the house without me - I was sure he would get in a car accident and I'd be left completely alone. I still worry - he complains of mild chest twinges and I become certain he's going to die of a heart attack at 37.

From what I've read, fear that someone close to you is going to die is common after pregnancy loss. That doesn't make it suck any less though.

Every time I see a car coming towards me on the highway I'm convinced I'm going to have a head-on collision. I can't help it. I see the kids being propelled out of windows, I hear screaming and see smoke... I can't help it. I don't know what it is about driving. All of a sudden it just strikes me as so damn dangerous.

We've seen the other side, and really, not many people have.. not like this. I need to hope this almost frantic fear is going to ease off.. it's toxic.

I was like that for a little bit...couldn't leave the house etc...

Now I am ok....

Yep. My dh & I both tend to be anxious people at the best of times, & have both had to use Ativan, on & off, since the loss of our daughter. I find I go through periods where I obsess over various aspects of my health. And we both constantly ask each other, "Are you OK?"

I have those crazy fears, too. I try not to voice them...I don't know if I should keep them to myself anymore, but I think that if I speak them people will think I'm crazy.

Since my daughter was stillborn 3 months ago, I find myself looking at our 2 1/2 year old son and thinking, "When he dies, I hope I remember this moment..." Not if, but when...how awful is that!

Kind of like h., I'm starting to expect bad things will happen. I'm not even afraid, it's just an expectation. After the loss of my sons, there were a series of, well, bad events. And then more. I have always been a worrier, but I always had hope. Now, I think I've become a cynic. Bitter.

I had fears initially, and only recently my startle reflex has begun to calm, but I think those may be related to the trauma/ptsd related to the delivery and its aftermath.

Perhaps the expectations are fears turned sideways.

I find it interesting how having lost a baby changes the way we think of everything and for me, the way my worry intensifies when it comes to my daughter.

Today I sent my baby off into the world without me - and when I say baby I mean 8 year old. And when I say out into the world I really mean to her grandparents house 3 hours away. When the car pulled away from our curb, though, it felt like my world collapsed. I cried at the thought of her being gone for a week because to me it was the same as losing my son - she was gone. I can't control what happens to her for the next 7 days. I won't be there if something does happen. I won't be there to hold her if she has a bad dream and to rub her back as she falls asleep.

Would I feel that way had I not lost a baby. Or, would I just be relieved to have just us time with my husband. My friends think I'm crazy to be so upset and obsessed about her little vacation. But in my mind the world has tilted on its axis.

I really believe that babyloss makes me so anxious. K came after my son died at 7 months pregnant. That was 10 years ago and it still affects my thinking and makes me want to wrap K in bubble wrap and put her in my pocket to keep her safe. It takes every grain of my being to allow her to do things like go with her grandparents for a week. I have to force myself to be ok with it - and ususally everyone thinks I am ok. But I'm really not. I just want her home.