Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.
Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.
Excited. Happy. Nervous. Full of love. Those are all the things I felt when she first told me she was pregnant. Hurt. Angry. Heartbroken. But yet somehow still full of love. Those are the things I felt when she told me she miscarried. We broke up shortly after. So dealing with this on my own has been a rollercoaster of emotions. Especially with being a masculine presenting lesbian whose family didn’t even know about the miscarriage yet alone the pregnancy. I have no one to talk to about any of this. There are so many things I never got to say to my little girl. There are so many things I never got to say to the other mother of our child. I don’t even know where to begin to grieve such a loss. She was gonna be my shooting star. I was gonna protect her from everything I could and be right there for everything I couldn’t protect her from. There are no rules, no instructions, no PowerPoint on how to handle any of this. I don’t know where to start grieving and honestly don’t think I ever did.
Hurt. Angry. Heartbroken. But yet somehow still full of love. Those are the things I felt when she told me she miscarried.
We broke up shortly after. So dealing with this on my own has been a rollercoaster of emotions. Especially with being a masculine presenting lesbian whose family didn’t even know about the miscarriage yet alone the pregnancy. I have no one to talk to about any of this. There are so many things I never got to say to my little girl. There are so many things I never got to say to the other mother of our child. I don’t even know where to begin to grieve such a loss. She was gonna be my shooting star. I was gonna protect her from everything I could and be right there for everything I couldn’t protect her from. There are no rules, no instructions, no PowerPoint on how to handle any of this. I don’t know where to start grieving and honestly don’t think I ever did.