I’m coming up on the 3 years since the birth of my son, Theo, and then 2 weeks later, his death. Time has marched on and my life has been looking a lot more normal and happy. I was blessed with a rainbow 16 months ago. I feel like everyone sees me with my baby and thinks “Phew! She’s all better now!” But I feel so far from that. My support feels pretty nonexistent at this point. I know this is the natural progression that others move on with their lives and see me moving with mine, but this time of year feels especially tough and the loneliness and sadness is starting to overwhelm me. I know others outside of this community can’t understand how this feels. I’m just feeling very alone and sad. I know asking for support from loved ones is probably what I should do, but I just feel like at 3 years, everyone just wants me to be over it, feels like I’m being dramatic. I’m caught between wanted to be seen and supported by those around me and just wanting to completely disappear right now. Really being taken back to the earlier days of my grief and the loneliness and lack of support is getting to me. Anyway, I just needed a safe space to let out my feelings. Thanks for reading.

Oh Molly, I see you, I get it. I’m nearly ten years out from losing my daughter. Her little brother is 8. I think, unless you explicitly say so, that people who haven’t been through this, find it difficult to understand that you will mourn Theo forever. I find watching my son grow up both marvelous and bittersweet. He got a perfect score on a spelling test this week. I’m so proud of him. But, I'll never know know whether his sister would have been a good speller, whether she would love reading or karate or anything else. He’s a sweet boy, who, since being old enough to know about his sister, sometimes wonders about her and what she would be like (mom, do you think she’d like Legos? Or soccer?). We all miss her. I think what you’re feeling is normal and I think it’s okay to ask for the support you need. Be kind to yourself Molly. Remembering your Theo with you too.

Hi Molly
I am so sorry to read you lost your little boy. It must have been devastating in those circumstances. I’m thinking of you and your precious son.
You are not alone in these feelings.
Your post resonates so much with me.
I was about to post something so similar it’s strange.
It is three years since my daughter died at birth.
I’ve also had ‘rainbows’ and I feel everyone expects me to just be happy all the time now.
I really feel this pressure to be back to normal foisted on me.
I’m going back to some friendships and social activities I had to distance myself from at the time.
And my close people keep asking me if I’m having fun- if I love meeting these friends again. People want to see me being happy.
It’s hard to explain I’m not the same person and I still feel the loss. Also I’m not as into the same things.
I am happy but I’m different.
I think it helps some people to feel everyone is ‘okay’ but actually no one should be under pressure to be anything.
Our feelings are valid. The isolation is very hard.
Sending good wishes and understanding your way.

Hi Molly- Your post resonates so much w me. I’m also 3 years out (I can’t even believe it) since my daughter died. We welcomed a son about a year ago and I often feel as if everyone thinks that somehow that cancels out the loss of our daughter which is so unbelievably not true. One thing that has helped me during particularly difficult times is to confide in a few friends who have also experienced deep loss bc they truly understand that we will forever be changed and the hole will always be there. The two friends I confide in didn’t lose children but both experienced the very unexpected and traumatic losses of parents and they understand the pain that I feel. Also coming to this place helps too. Sending love and light.