I lost my daughter at 14 weeks. She was perfect. We had done all of the bloodwork, ultrasounds, appointments and a freak placental abruption took her from me. I had a extremely small hematoma that was shown at my 7 week ultrasound. It was so small that the Doctor told me that it will likely disappear, no need to worry. We think that this hematoma grew unbeknownst to us causing a placental abruption because I had no other risk factors. I lost a lot of blood and almost died. As someone with anxiety, it feels like "of course this would happen." We were so excited to have a little girl. It feels like a piece of our family is missing. I have a hard time with comments like, "you can always try again" or "at least your have your little boy." It is excruciating to hear. Even when we decide to try again, it won't be her. She will always be missing. We were going to name her Wren. I think about her constantly and what it would be like to have her with us. It is a strange feeling to miss someone that you have never met. I bought a locket with a carolina wren on it and put her last ultrasound picture inside. I just needed something tangible of her to cope and mourn. It has been a little over a month and I know time is all that I can count on to heal my heart but does it ever get better? Will I ever stop crying at the mention of her name?

You will. I lost my daughter Natalie at 21 weeks, 6 years ago October 13th. I won’t lie, it’s hard. Soul crushingly hard. But slowly your grief and your child become part of the fabric of you. You don’t move on, you are creating a new version of you. I still talk about my Natalie all the time. People’s comments can be hard, they think they are helping, but it’s not. Right now it’s truly one day at a time. Some day in the future you will wake up and not think of her first or at all that day, and that leads to a whole new kind of complicated grief. Don’t let anyone put a timeline on your grief. It will take you as long as it takes you to create this new normal. Hugs mama!