I blame myself everyday for the loss of our Stella. I had a rough pregnancy with my first and dreaded getting pregnant again. So when I did I worried about all the things that could happen to me. Not even thinking about the possibility of what could happen to the baby. I tried so hard to be excited for this baby but my anxiety would always get in the way. Fast forward to our 16 week appointment the NTD came back positive. Then the fear really became real. Why is this happening? Did I do something to cause this? Then telling myself that I can handle whatever it is. Thinking of only positive things. Once we got to the ultrasound immediately the tech looked at me and said "I'm so sorry" i instantly started to cry. She was born on 05/18/23 and I think about her everyday. especially about if maybe i was more excited about the pregnancy would this have happened?

It is not your fault. It is not your fault. I am sorry for yourvloss of Stella. Sending you so much love and light. Be kind to yourself. I still don't have the answers ten years later but I know you aren't to blame, nor was I. These devastating things happen and it hurts like hell, but you are not to blame.