First and foremost,
I cannot begin to express how happy I am to have found this website and this large community of people that are either going through the healing process or have completed their journey and have found that glow in the woods.

While the pain and this unending hurt have completely consumed me, is it normal that in this unending wave of sadness is this feeling of embarrassment? I know/hear/read that losing a pregnancy is “common” and that it “has nothing to do with you failing,” but why does it feel like that? But what’s even worse is, I’ve become the type of person who can’t even look at mothers and fathers pushing strollers, playing with their kids or simply having their infant strapped to their chest without wanting to have a meltdown. You know what? I lied…the most embarrassing and shameful, especially shameful, is I find myself unable to enjoy the pictures and videos that I often receive from my sister of her two children - one of them my goddaughter. What a terrible thing to put out and into words, but I’m diving in, and whoever is reading this you’re coming with me.

My husband and I have been planning on starting a family, it took us four months - while others want to say that’s not long, but for me it was grueling. The relentless desire to see those two pink lines to show after three minutes, feeling like hours. Only for your body to either physically tell you by making you menstruate or your body physically releasing your unborn child as you pray and hope that the bleed will surely slow down or stop completely.

The days are long now, but the nights are even longer and far more filled with tears - which seems impossible given the amount of tears shed throughout the course of the day. Everyone around me has been supportive and sensitive to the situation, but my world is moving in slow motion, colors of nature of nature have lost its vibrancy, food is not as tasty, coffee is not strong enough.

While I come to this website to share my journey, I am here to see if anyone has found the secret to quiet all the thoughts of their lost light, the cure to the endless hurt and all consuming sadness. Tell me your journey. To the reader that has decided to dive into this swamp of sadness with me, can you give me advice on how to feel again or at least how to feel like a person - rather than floating like dark cloud, living as a shell of person.

Georgia,
First off, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby. I lost my son 2 weeks after he was born 2 years ago and I can say that what you’re saying sounds completely normal. Although the pain has begun to soften around some aspects, I still find it difficult to see pictures of other people’s children or hear about pregnancies. I’m not sure how far out you are from your loss, but I know that for me, the first year was particularly excruciating, and on top of it judging myself because of what I thought society’s expectations were of me as a griever. I don’t know that I have advice for you, except to say that losing a baby at any stage is exceptionally difficult and life altering. Be gentle with yourself. Your feeling and grief are valid. I will say that at 2 years out, I have found joy again at times and life doesn’t look as bleak. It’s still very difficult, but it has softened. We are here for you at Glow and please come to vent anytime. Missing your sweet baby with you<3

Hi Molly, I’m so sorry for your loss, that’s completely heartbreaking.
I’m glad that you have found some peace and healing throughout your journey.
Thank you for the kind words and really for the validation. You can be surrounded by loved ones, but it’s still such a lonely experience. I really appreciate you sharing your story and for normalizing my uninvited thoughts.