I’m struggling as I write this. In January of 2022, I found out I was pregnant with identical twin girls. We quickly named them Iris and Rosie. At 16weeks we found out they had twin to twin transfusion syndrome. I was given three options: terminate one or both, wait and see, or Fetalscopic laser surgery with a 70% chance for one baby and a 40% chance for both. We opted for the surgery and two days after diagnosis I went in for the procedure. It’s conducted similar to a c-section. I was given an epidural and they made a small incision and used a laser to sever the blood vessels the girls shared to even out the blood supply. Near the end of the surgery Rosie’s heartbeat began to drop. I listened to the nurse report as it got slower and slower. They told me at the end of the surgery she likely wouldn’t make it. Three hours later they did a follow up ultrasound and she had passed. I can’t help but wonder if I made the right decision. Should I have waited and been monitored so hopefully they got a big bigger and stronger? Should I have gone out of state to a more researched hospital praised for their work in this field? I had to carry her the reminder of my pregnancy until her sister was born at 36weeks. The first few weeks after surgery I had follow up ultrasounds and had to see her little body on the screen as they checked over her twin. In the end, little Rosie was completely reabsorbed and I never got to hold her. Now I struggle with fear to put my surviving twin to sleep each night, terrified something will happen to her too.

This is terribly sad. I’m sorry for the loss of your little Rosie. What beautiful names. What a hard road you have been on. Sending you love- I can only imagine how complex it must feel.