It has been a year and 4 months since I held my daughter Kylie for the first time and the last. I remember thinking I was just going to go to a normal Doctors appointment and then they told me they couldn't find your heart beat. You only had 8 weeks until you would've come home to your house. You were going to be our first child and I remember your dad telling me that this is not how things were supposed to happen.

You were long, 17 inches at 32 weeks, which isnt a surprise, your dad and I are tall as well. You looked so peaceful. It was the scariest moments of our lives and I couldn't help but beg God to let you breathe and let this all be a mistake, but your breathe never came and you never opened your eyes to look at me. I always wonder what I possibly did to deserve this and I can never understand why the better plan was for you to go away and for me not to go with you.

The pain still lingers, all of your things are still set up in your room. Except your bedroom feels like a tomb now. Your dad goes in there sometimes to squeeze the elephant that holds your heartbeat and I just cannot bring myself to do such a thing and have my whole reality fall down around me. I hope you know we think of you everyday my beautiful Kylie. I pray for you and I wish I could see you grow up. i wish I could hold you and hug you. I wish I was there for your first birthday, your first prom, your first boyfriend, your drivers license, and so much more. I will always miss you and always love you. Forever

Rayne, I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Kylie. Please know you never did anything wrong, losing a baby is a terrible thing know one should have to go through. You would have done anything for her. I'm glad you have a heartbeat animal. We had a second one made after our Julian passed - and hearing it was so very hard. I haven't listened to it again since we had it made. But I'm glad it's there. The pain is so very terrible, but the pain is there because of all the love you have for Kylie.

Rayne,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
I remember also being stunned when we lost our baby boy almost eight years ago. He was full term and the pregnancy was uneventful and then he died. The doctor said "cord accident." I remember blaming myself but I have learned to forgive myself. We still miss him and he will always be a part of our family.
Kylie's death is not your fault. You did nothing to deserve this.
I send you and yours Love and best wishes in your journey.
Be kind to yourself.