Hi all,

I wanted to write in about mother's day. I had warned my family it was going to be a hard day for me. My parents and one set of grandparents, I hadn't mentioned it to the other pair. My husband and I live across the country from everyone, so maybe that makes it easier for them to not say anything. My parents reached out and said they were thinking of me. My brother texted me to say hi, so maybe he knew it would be a tough day. A friend of mine with losses reached out and we wished each other a happy mother's day. But none of my grandparents emailed, texted, called, nothing. My mother in law who lost twin boys at one and a half in a house fire didn't contact me at all, though she has three living children now with my husband being one of them. None of my other family said anything either. I lost my precious Julian in February, he should have been three months old for this first mother's day of mine. Instead he died the day before I was supposed to be induced. I guarantee if he was alive they all would have said something. But he isn't. And they didn't. My husband and I still had a nice day, and I was able to look at the pictures I have of my boy and be proud of him and feel so much love, it didn't hurt as much this time. But the lack of acknowledgement hurts so much more than I thought it would. Not like a loss at any stage is any easier, it isn't. But he was full-term. Ready to be born. I birthed a beautiful boy. I carried him 9 months. I loved him with every ounce of my being and love him so fiercely. I still went through labor. I tore. My milk came in and went, no baby to feed. I still have crazy stretch marks on my body which I love, because it is proof he was here, that there is a battle. I held my lifeless boy in my arms. I'm trying to live for him and honor him because it makes this easier. Makes it softer. And yet no acknowledgement from most of my family for this day. I know I'm his mother still. But wow, this really stings. And I really wasn't prepared for it. I hoped people would say something, acknowledge me because it acknowledges him and that he existed. Nope. Maybe I should have told everyone to say something to me today. But should I have to?

I am so sorry if any mothers here had a difficult day or felt invalidated, invisible like I did. It hurts so much. Love to you all, no matter your journey here. You and your angels still matter.

Kendra, I’m so sorry your family was as supportive as you’d hoped and that your sweet Julian isn’t here with you. It’s all just so hard, unfair, and awful. Sending you a hug and some gentleness as you navigate all of this.