1 year in and I swear it feels like it’s getting harder. My heart is just so heavy all the time. Does this ever get easier?

Meg I’m so sorry you are struggling. I am 4 1/2 years in and I can’t say it gets easier it just gets easier. The moments of light far outweigh the darkness now. However, it’s those moments you don’t except that still bring me to tears…sometime uncontrollably. Try not to be hard on yourself. I’m learning that this is a part of me, and it’s never going to truly get easier.

I am so sorry for your loss. 1 year isn’t much time at all. I’m 7 years in… I’m used to carrying this loss, more familiar with the grief, so yes it’s easier in the same way that one would get used to, get strong enough to carry a heavy back pack. But the loss is still as devastating as the day it happened. More joy has cropped up though in this time, so the grief is alongside the joy or sometimes compartmentalized away in the busyness of life.

Thank you both for your replies. It helps so much to be a part of this community of warrior women.

For me it has been six years. Life is mostly normal these days. I can talk and think about Nadia's death without being so deeply pulled in. I can genuinely take part in life together with the people around me. But one year in, I was on a downward spiral. I think I was at my worst about 18 months from her death. And then it started getting easier, but so gradually, so slowly. Hang in there. The grief will stay and will eventually even feel welcome on some level, but the trauma - constantly feeling overwhelmed, the guilt, the rumination, the racing thoughts, the numbness - that does pass with time.