It's been 2 years and 4 months since my son passed away. I don't purposely bring him up around family and friends and I do my best to smile and be in the moment when around anyone, but I foolishly think it's not too much to ask to have people, specially family, remember that just because I don't show my pain doesn't mean I'm not dying inside.

I went to a wedding this weekend for my brother in law, and I was seated next to his cousin and her three children. One of which is a son that is nearly the age my son would have been. The down time between the ceremony and the reception was also spent with them. I now know the one word that rips my heart out the most is hearing a child say "momma".

Through the evening at the reception I was asked multiple times by friends and family if I was "feeling better" and to just "enjoy the evening and put all negativity aside. I wasn't aware I was ill in any way to be needing to feel better and I'm sorry, but I never realized my so was a negative thought. I hardly ever mention him. Specially to people I haven't seen since his passing.

I held myself the whole night with a smile plastered to my face even after the multitude of comments from the vows to the toasts that mentioned how the bride and groom couldn't wait to have children, or how the family couldn't wait for them to have them. Even the DJ said it at the end of the night!!!!!

I realize people mean well, but sometimes I feel like a broken human. Didn't help that after a few celebratory drinks, my husband mentioned how adorable his cousins children were and how at least he could live vicariously through her. He was the last person I expected to make a comment. I think that's the one that hurt the most.

Thank you to the inventor of the washroom stall, a place to hide with a valid excuse when your anxiety is too much to handle

There are days I wish to sleep and never wake up in hopes to be reunited with my child and for a chance to be a mom.

I’m sending you a hug today. You are a mother, now and always. Xx.

Luke's mom,
I'm sorry for your loss, and sorry that you had to experience all those comments at the wedding. People "mean well" and say stuff that hurts us so much without realizing it. It's so hard. Unless they have been in this path I have come to realize they just don't "get it", they dont understand how large of a loss we feel and how heartbreaking it is, and we will never just get over the loss of our babies. Even if it has been two years and four months. No time will fix that in my opinion. Thinking about you!

Hi Luke's Mom
I'm sorry you lost your son Luke and that you have to go through this.
I can identify with everything you write- since I often have similar feelings since my daughter passed away.
Small comments like these can really replay again and again so I get where you are coming from. And these events are so hard.
I have had similar experiences. Thank you for articulating the scene we can so many of us relate to.
Feeling your pain with you x