We are entering the birth and death month of my baby boy Arav. He would have been six this year. As his birthday is coming closer, I am thinking more and more about what would have been. He would have started school this summer! Yesterday, his little sister brought our "Someone Came Before You" book and had me read it to her. She asked many questions and wanted to read the page where the baby dies several times. It's heartbreaking, but I am also glad that she wants to know about her big brother she never met. This year will be his first birthday I won't be spending with his dad and my daughter, because they will be travelling. I am unsure how to mark the day. Usually, we bake a birthday cake and then have a small celebration, where we light his candle and talk about him. That they won't be there is more upsetting to me than I thought.

I'm so glad that I can voice this here. Thank you for reading!

Sending you love and holding Arav in my heart today.

Thinking of you and Arav. I think you could still have a sweet treat and do something you like, even if you’re by yourself. Hugs mama.

Thinking of you all this month, Arav's mom. I hope you find a way to mark the day that feels good to you.

Thanks everyone! Today is his birthday and so far I feel ok with the fact that his dad and sister won't be there. I will take the little brother for cake in a nice cafe at the waterfront. We scattered Arav's ashes in the Atlantic, so being close to the sea will feel like being closer to him. Thank you for reading and responding. It helps to know that someone is there on the other side to listen and sit with me for a moment.

Thinking of you and Arav, sending a hug