I just made an appointment for a doctor I’ve needed to see for a long time. The office sends me a link to log onto the online system…and what’s the first thing that pops up? That my last visit with that hospital system was to deliver my stillborn daughter nearly 8 years ago. It even has the order from my doctor for the autopsy. So now, even as I’m relieved to finally see this specialist, thankfully not at the hospital where I delivered her, I’m still triggered all over again. My heart is racing…just needed to share somewhere I know I’d be understood.

Sometimes I wish hospitals could be more sympathetic with these types of things. After I had miscarried my baby at 14 weeks and was laying in the hospital recovering from emergency D&C, a nurse came in waking me and my husband up to tell him to leave because of COVID. My husband insisted to stay since I just had a miscarriage and he didn't want to be alone. After several minutes of going back and forth with the nurse, she finally let up. We'd been okay'd by my doctor and several medical professionals about him being with me. Then a different doctor came in asking if I'd been around anyone exposed to covid and told me covid can cause miscarriage. I got so upset hearing that because my doctor told me what caused me to go into the labor ( sac of twin baby that I had miscarried earlier in the pregnancy - ig my body tried to pass empty sac and caused me to go into preterm :/ ) but i was triggered and upset for the rest of the morning. It doesnt take much for hospitals to be sympathetic but its like the smallest things are too much for them.

I'm sorry you had to be reminded of a time that must have caused you great grief. I understand - recovering from MC almost 2wks. Virtual hugs.

Thanks Ash. I am sorry that you had such a crappy care when you miscarried. It's unacceptable. I had staff make very insensitive remarks at that hospital where I delivered my daughter. A few months later, when I felt a little stronger but was still angry at how I'd been treated, I decided to write to the patient advocate at the hospital and tell them about my experience there and tell them I thought they should do better. They wrote back very quickly, apologizing, and thanking me for this feedback. I have no idea whether any of the things I asked for were implemented, but it made me feel better to know that, maybe, I'd helped someone else avoid being treated as carelessly as I had. Sending you peace.

Dear AB,

I came here to check in after a long time and was sad and glad at the same time to read your name. 8 years since you lost your sweet Bean. I still have her birthday in my calendar and think of her and you on that day.

I am so sorry you had to go through seeing that while making an already dreaded appointment. That must have been so hard. I'm glad this place exists to come and share these moments that nobody understands better than the babylost parents here.

Many of us can probably tell stories like that. In my case, the hospital called me a week after the stillbirth of my boy to ask how the baby was doing. When I said the baby is dead the woman on the line just hung up on me. I contacted the patient advocate a few days later, but I never heard back...

Sending you and yours hugs!

Arav's Mom

Dear Arav’s mom,

Thanks so much for writing and for remembering Bean with us. I saw your post about Arav and his 6th birthday. I remembered that too about the hospital, but I didn’t know they never called you back. That’s awful. This was just an appointment for something else, but it was still a shock…anyway, thanks for your message. Sending you peace and love as you navigate Arav’s birthday month.