We lost our son Paris 3.5 years ago. And I was doing ok. Yesterday we got the news of a failed adoption, a child we are calling Wednesday. I have so many feelings. I can’t help but wonder if we will ever have a child to call ours. I can’t carry another pregnancy after an emergency hysterectomy at P’s birth, due to a number of issues we are being prohibited from adopting and we don’t have money to pursue a surrogate. I just feel at a loss. It brings up all these old feelings and I wonder if I’ll ever get to be a mother.

Alisha—that all sounds unbearably hard. I am sorry to hear about Paris and Wednesday. There are no words to make this better. I just wanted to say I hear you. Sending peace to you.

Hi Alisha, I read your post a couple of days ago. I wasn’t sure what to reply then, and I’m still not sure I have the words. What a devastating position to be in. There are so many ways that loss can appear in our lives. You are so brave to try for adoption, which I know is a difficult process in itself. Even though I also have no living children, I’m not even sure I can bring myself to try. I just want you to know that I have been keeping you in my thoughts.