My sister in law had her baby this week. I’m so jealous. 6 years on and I can’t congratulate her. I can’t utter those words to someone who doesn’t know this pain. Why do things come so easy to others? Why couldn’t I have kept all my babies?

I’m so sorry that you’ve experienced loss. Several of my close friends just had babies or are having one soon and I can’t even bring myself to look at the babies. It’s just too hard for me, having lost my son two weeks ago. Why does everyone else get to keep their baby and I couldn’t keep mine? You are not alone

xoxo

Dear Anon

I'm so sorry for your losses. I dont know if the jealousy ever goes away. My sister had her son 1 month after my son died. My nephew is 2 now and a constant reminder of the stage my son would be.

Even though my son wouldnt be a baby anymore I am jealous of people with babies, boys especially. I am also jealous of people with uneventful pregnancies. I wish I could be that carefree person i used to be who loved to talk about pregnancies and babies. Now these two topics are very loaded.

Weirdly I am not jealous of friends or relatives who have babies after infertility or loss. I'm thrilled for them.