I am 17. I had a 5 week miscarriage in January. 6 days after my baby’s father told me that he would make me have an abortion because if I had the baby, OUR baby, that I’d ruin his life. I would have been 16 weeks this week. I would have been finding out my baby’s gender, and buying clothes and preparing a nursery. But instead, I’m grieving all by myself. Because he left me soon after. I’m so beyond heartbroken. That baby was mine. He was part of me. And now he’s not. There is so so so much that I could have done. Should have done. And it all breaks my heart. No one else knows. I can’t talk to anyone. I’m beyond heartbroken because I wanted that baby. With every fiber of my being. And now I’ll never had that. I named the baby, something in my heart told me it was a little boy. Preston Paxton. And I know he never felt cold, pain, or his daddy’s hatred. He felt nothing but the love and warmth of my body. But it breaks my heart that he will never feel his mamas hugs. Viability would have been June 17, and he would have been born in October. And I’m afraid it’ll only get worse. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t do it by myself. It’s too much.

Some days it is harder, I won't lie about that. But some days, it is easier too.
My experience is that Love and Pain almost always go together. Regardless of the things we didn't and won't ever get to do with our children, we do get to love the, and that's why is still hurts.
My baby was due May 15th, and it hurts to know that I would have had my baby my arms now if she hadn't left us so early.

You're not alone. Even without his father grieving with you and family not knowing ... you're not alone. You are part of a club that never wants to send out invitations. A whole community of parents who have loved and lost and are learning every day how to live on with their arms empty but hearts full.

If you want to connect to more moms, I've found a really great community of discussion and mutual support on the app Peanut