Our son was born in June of 2020, healthy and no issues. At 6 weeks old, he passed away from a heart attack from possibly SIDS, but no cause is known. I was awake when he started to act off and we rushed to the ER when he began breathing faster. Our toddler daughter stayed with her grandparents and she never got to say good bye, but who knew. At the ER they thought maybe aspiration pneumonia (my wife was already blaming herself), then 6 hours later he went into cardiac arrest. At that time we didn't know if we wanted genetic studies or metabolic disorders work up our window was so slim to get tissues samples, we found out the next day it was too late and even then the fridges at the hospital went cold enough (like the COVID vaccine fridges). We reached out to numerous genetic clinics, unable to work on tissue from the autopsy due to how to was preserved and as mentioned wasn't collected in time. And we even had another autopsy reviewed at another hospital in the West coast. Not much was found out aside from the fact that he had a heart attack. We just don't know what happened and it looks like SIDS from all other parties reviewing the case. Here's the hard part, my wife and I are both pediatricians. So I live knowing I couldn't even save my own kid, how can I continue giving anticipatory guidance to other families, but I do with a smile. My wife is trying so hard living with a type of survivors guilt, she just doesn't get why this happened. We just found out we are expecting again, we were happy but not thrilled, we cried at the first ultrasound but both admitted this was not going to replace our lost son. This is a new journey. But this is hard on so many levels.

Khalid,
I am so sorry for to hear about the loss of your sweet baby boy. My son died in 2016; he was born full term and died at three days old. Our circumstances are different but I just wanted to reach out and say that I can identify with heartbreak and guilt and having to carry on living with out my darling boy (at least physically present). When I read that you and your wife are both pediatricians, I was reminded how the OB/GYN who delivered my son shared with me that his own son died as a baby. It made me feel less alone. Though I would not wish this on anyone I have found some comfort over the years in the words of others who are living with this type of loss. It is hard. It is not your fault and you are not alone. Sending Love,