So, I don't know what to say or where to start.

Always wanted to be a dad. Always. When adults asked kids what they wanted to be when they grew up, other kids said "fireman", "astronaut", etc. I said I wanted to be a husband and a daddy.
My wife miscarried about 11 years ago. I found out last year. It was like 10 years of pain and grief flooded in on me in a very short amount of time. It's overwhelming.

A lot happened in those years, including a hysterectomy 5 years ago. We will never have our own children. I came to terms with that. She has so many healthy issues, we kind of expected it. She became my focus, nearly no thought or discussion of our lack of kids. We settled in to her issues and as of about a year ago, we started to sort of live instead of just focusing on health problems.

Then she told me about the loss. I want to be clear - I do not blame her for not telling me. There was a lot that I don't currently care to explain that helps it make sense to me and I'm not sure I've would have made a different choice.

In the last year since I found out, I have learned that I have trouble accessing my emotions, and I'm an emotional guy - don't mind crying, don't cling to the Western "I'm a man" frame of thinking. I'm fine, then will randomly become sad, weepy, angry, frustrated, or sometimes just so overwhelmed I just go flat.

I'm in therapy for a few reasons, that I started just a few months before I found out. My therapist and I have discussed that I am in a ton of pain and I'm actively practicing avoidance, which clearly is unhealthy. I'm not coping. I'm not dealing with the pain. I had a panic attack when I saw a painting that looked like what our daughter would looked like. My daughter's name is Morgan, and she is very real to me, even though I never got a chance to meet her.

How do I do this?

Dear Morgan’s Dad,

I haven’t been on Glow for awhile but yesterday I saw your post and have been thinking of how to respond. I am so sorry for your loss. I’m sure you are devastated. There is no easy cure or remedy for your loss but time will help. Is your wife also in therapy? Is there any ability to relate and share your grief?

Personally, I have had nine miscarriages, six of them consecutive in the past year and a half. Two I carried for 13 weeks and the others were earlier losses. I have never pursued genetic testing or any other medical treatment so I can’t speak to how difficult that road is but I’m familiar with the heartache and fear.

I wanted to tell you why I stopped telling my husband when I became pregnant. It became so difficult to say the words only to have to then tell him I’d lost another baby. I felt responsible for all of it. I was the one continuing to try to become pregnant. He was happy to support me and he also wanted to continue but he didn’t have the desire for a child the way I did. Even though I logically knew there was nothing I could have done differently. His feelings are that important to me and I was and continue to protect him from more pain. Our relationship has grown from this pain and sadness. We have become closer and more understanding of some of the things that used to matter that simply don’t.

I don’t know what path you’ll relationship will take or if something will change in your or your wife’s fertility but if you can get through this you will be stronger. There is love after this loss.

Dear Ejbw,

First of all, thank you for your kind words. I'm very sorry for your ordeal - that is a terrible set of circumstances. I can understand wanting to spare your husband the pain, but don't forget about your own in the meantime. You need someone to tally to as well, and who knows you better than your partner in life? Whatever you decide, please take care of yourself.

As to your questions-yes, my wife is in therapy. We discuss our pain together as often as our individual grief will allow. As to change in fertility, there will be no change. Her hysterectomy saw to that. Thank you for the attempt at hope, that is truly a kindness. And as to answer what very well could be there next logical thought, her health issues will keep us from the possibility of adoption, both for the fact we wouldn't be able to give a child, especially one who has already faced considerable trauma, the help and support it deserves, and that the system in place wouldn't find us to be suitable to be able to do so(and rightly so). If we had been able to have Morgan, she'd be 11 now, many of the health issues wouldn't be as prevalent, or exist at all. It's difficult not to feel stuck, without hope and truly disappointed. I know there is love. I have it in my amazing wife. I just have to find a way to cope knowing my daughter existed but we have to be without her.