Loosing my baby girl 2 years ago was the hardest thing i've ever endured.
It isn't trauma that came without consequences. No. It was the start of my life reshaping itself. I discovered after a few months that I could never again have a child with the father of my children because we clearly do not have a healthy relationship.
I guess what I'm trying to say is...sometimes when I get/feel upset I'm not entirely sure that I'm crying for her. I mean, I do cry for her, and so wish she was here alive with me. But sometimes I cry for all the other losses at the same time, not just for her. It bothers me because i feel like im undermining her death although I know deep down that I'm not. Its that horrible nagging voice.

Ohhh my darling Machaela I so get what you mean... I am really sorry for the loss of your girl and the struggles you are facing with your relationship...

After the loss of my twin baby girls and the loss of my only brother 5 years before I lost them I am crying many times for the turn my life has taken... I am crying for all the losses and the struggles we had to face, I had to face and still do since we dont know whether we will be able to have a living child after all as all of our IVF tries after the loss of our girls ended in a miscarriage or BFN.

We are gradually trying to work on accepting the fact that we might not have a living child... and for me that is really hard... and I am mourning for that too...

So, I quite often feel like I am not actually mourning the loss of our girls but how hard my life has been so far.... hang in there mama...

Sending you hugs and lots of love...

That's awful, Michaela. Life can be so cruel, what a shitty world... sometimes. Sending you hope <3