Hey everyone,

Wondering if there are any elementary school teachers out there who have lost a baby. I need advice about how to tell students. I went on mat leave in February and told the kids I'd be back in a year but since the baby didn't make it my leave got cut short. Word got around to the staff, but not the students or parents (I thought with COVID they had enough on their plates!). It hasn't been that long since our awful loss and the school is expecting me back in September. The thought of telling the kids (I teach art to 400-500 students) is causing me a lot of anxiety. I may go on sick leave if it's all too much but want to keep my options open in case I feel like it's time to go back. Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Dear M,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know all too well the anxiety of going back to work after such a loss. There is never a good time and after the initial day you go back it always feels as if you are under a spot light. But people do start to go back to their normal, even when you don't.

I'm not a schools teacher but I don't think this is news you should have to tell. Maybe have the principal or vice principal send out a short Letter or email to parents whose kids you teach? This way you won't have to suffer with this anxiety of how to present this personal news and the parents can take on the task for you. I'm sure you have enough anxiety without this adding to it.

I am sending you strength and love.

Hello M, I am so very sorry for your loss. I am not a school teacher, but as Luke's Mom said, I think it may be easier for a short letter to go out to parents rather than put the pressure on you to make any sort of announcement or have to tell different classrooms/groups separately. The anxiety of returning to work is so intense, I remember avoiding for as long as possible and even avoiding seeing certain friends, switching grocery and convenience stores that I frequented to avoid people asking about the baby. It is so hard, and my heart is with you. Some of the best advice I received in the early days was from a friend's mom who recommended that I be direct with people about how I want them to talk to me, treat me when returning to work. I had my manager send out a memo via email to my work colleagues that let them know that I had lost the baby, but also that acknowledgement was important to me. It didn't feel super helpful at the time, but over the months while I reintegrated back into work I found it really comforting that people knew they could continuously check in with me, and that I could also let people know I needed a day off, needed to skip a meeting, etc when the grief was overwhelming.

Lots of love to you, mama.

Hi M,

I am a school teacher, and went through something similar. I went on maternity leave after 40 weeks of pregnancy, my daughter went into distress in labor, and we had to take the ventilator off her the day after she was born. I had a short letter sent out to my students (I teach 2nd grade) saying what happened, and hoping that parents would be open and honest with their children, because it would be hard for me to talk about what happened. That said, I know of other teachers who have read stories to their classes and talked about what happened, and my husband actually tried to talk to his classes (music teacher) and was asked not to by his administration. I would say to talk to your principal, might be a good place to start. It’s so tough, last year was a rough year, and I don’t wish it on anyone. :( There is a stillbirth and infant loss facebook group with a lot of people, and similar questions have been asked by other teachers, might be a good place to check out. Wishing you peace

April

Thanks for your replies, mamas.

Here's a lil update on my back-to-work dilemma : I had a chat with the principal of my school and told her I was not ready to return, she was very sympathetic and said she was not really surprised. As per your recommendations to send a letter to the students and their families, I think that is a winning idea. I suggested it to the principal and she agreed but recommended we send it just before my return (whenever that'll be). For now I have an extra 12 weeks off before I have to even think about it! Phew.

Thanks again and sending peace and love right back.