I had a first term miscarriage discovered during my 12 week visit and I am really struggling. Before the miscarriage I was really nervous about being a parent and felt a great deal of anxiety about the whole process. In short I really wanted a baby but was terrified of being pregnant. At first I felt so guilty that somehow it is my fault that their heart didn't beat. Then I saw a commercial that was rejected from the Super Bowl showing a new mom struggling in the restroom after her birth. That was something I was very scared of before but seeing the commercial just made me so sad and oddly jealous. It made me realize how much I would really like to be a mom and it gave me the courage to try again. Now the world has dramatically changed. I lost my job and am on anxiety medication that doesn't jive with pregnancy. Going to a hospital for a prenatal appointment seems like one of the riskiest things I could do, so my husband and I have decided not to try until the situation improves. This is very logical but devastating for me. I am in my late 30's and I have one sister that went through numerous unsuccessful rounds of chemo. The loss of hope if really getting to me. I know that we have lots of "options." But all that stuff just seems expensive and unlikely to come to fruition. Not sure how to cope.

After the storm comes the Rainbow. Don't give up now.