I lost my perfect 1 month baby boy almost two weeks ago and the pain is getting so much worse , I feel so alone ... I just want my baby boy back

Oh Casey, I'm so so terribly sorry for the loss of your baby boy. What was his name? I'm sorry you feel alone. It's impossibly hard in such early times. My heart is aching for you. We are all here for you.

Thank you , my son is Chase and he was everything we always wanted , I have two beautiful girls 5 and 3, and I’m currently hiding in the closet crying bc they hate to see me upset ... and trying to pull myself together for a Halloween parade tonight ... but I am so broken , I miss him so much

Casey, your post just made my eyes fill with tears. What a great mom you are - to all your children. Be so gentle with yourself right now. We are here for you.

The woman breastfeeding her baby at the parade made me lose it tonight ... I physically ache for my baby

Chase’s mom, I’m with you. I read your other post and I know what it means “ too good to be true”. I miss my baby boy so much today too. What he would have been like for this halloween. I stand with you in this. I cry with you. You are not alone.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your son , I wouldn’t wish this pain on anybody ... I have his Halloween costume and my daughters were going to match and it’s just heartbreaking , I think about him constantly but two weeks feels like forever since I last held him and smelled him, time heals I hear but I am also terrified ...I have to look at videos and pictures to make sure he wasn’t a dream , which is bizarre because he’s always on my mind and everything I think of ... I wish you strength during the holiday season ...

His 1 month old infant sized ashes and urn came today ...

I'm just posting to let you know I'm listening. I'm not sure there's anything more heartbreaking than tiny containers for the remains of a baby.

Thank you, the sadness , anger is overwhelming , everything we do is tainted with the thought that I should have my baby boy hanging from my chest ... kissing his head . This all happened overseas as we were/are on assignment for my husbands work. My husband has to return for work this weekend , however I can’t face going back into that compound w all our neighbors in such close quarters and in the house w all the baby stuff and the memories of that morning . So now we have to be away from each other for a month until he returns for the vacation time when we planned to take our baby home to meet everybody for the holidays. Hopefully , we will return w him in the new year; I can’t even think of that right now. So I know being away from my husband at this time is going to be so hard , I’ve never needed him more. He is the only one who knows and understand what a perfect person we lost and how much he was loved and wanted.

I also had to take my kindergartener out of school for three months bc I can’t return right away , I am a K teacher so I’m going to do my best to keep her caught up but of course I have guilt on top of guilt over that.

We also will most likely spend the holidays away from family and on our own bc of all the new babies that we once couldn’t wait for our baby boy to meet. It’s too much and to see a baby boy is painful for my husband and I . And I haven’t touched all the baby items and holiday clothes I amazoned to our house here for when we brought him back.

I just keep thinking how happy and content I was 3 weeks ago and now our life is in shambles

Chase's Mom,
I am so sorry for your loss. Be gentle with yourself. I still miss our little guy five years later but the day-to-day does get easier. It does. It takes time. And I still grieve the loss of him because it is partly how I connect with him. I never want to lose his memory. He is always my son. And I know how hard it can be to see moms with their babies. Coming to this site has helped me a lot over the years.
So much love to you.
Em

I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my baby girl Charlotte 3 weeks ago at 35 weeks with no cause known. My first baby. I am so deeply heartbroken and devastated. I never thought this could be my life. How could this happen to my baby. I too can’t stop thinking about how HAPPY I was 3 weeks ago... and how now my life is forever changed. Forever. I feel such guilt and despair. And isolation. And sadness that I’ve caused such heartbreak for my family. And the anxiety is completely overwhelming. I am struggling so hard. I know people say time will help. I just don’t see a pathway out of this grief and this guilt. We should be carrying our babies.

I’m so sorry for your loss , it is all so cruel , that has been the best word I could use to describe it ... I wish I had words of advice , it’s only been a month and a half since I held my son , and it has been getting worse rather than better ... today he would have been 3 months old ... I have done several things to keep him around our house and as close to me as possible, I’d be glad to share with you ... however nothing can fill this huge gaping hole in my chest . I also have been trying to read grief books as well , again it makes me feel less alone but not better by any means. If you ever need to talk I’m willing to listen and we could grieve together. I’m so sorry your going through this ... I don’t understand why, I have so many questions but I basically ache everyday for my son ... physically my arms and my heart hurts ...I just miss him so much

Checking on you. It’s getting worse by the day for me. I feel so responsible, I feel like I caused this somehow. I feel so sad and depressed. My baby girl’s due date is dec 12, I am a mess. I miss her and wish she were here so badly. All the things we’ll never get to have. It’s killing me.

I am thinking of you and so sorry that you have to go through this as well , we should not be without our babies , right now for me it feels like the waves of have grief have just about put me under .... I am so incredibly sad and miss him so much , I honestly didn’t think this level of both feelings existed .... we were suppose to be happy , and with our babies on Christmas ... the tears and the anger won’t stop ... I have SO much guilt as well ... I let him down , he should be here with us .... today is two months since I woke up that horrible morning .... the day that has forever changed my life ... my email is cmccbutler@gmail.com if you need to talk anytime , I don’t sleep anymore and not for the reasons I thought and looked forward too .... I’m praying for you