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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

for one and all > Giving away baby stuff - angry

Even though we are 99% sure we won’t be having another child and did adopt a baby after our loss, I still feel very protective over material baby things. Somehow it is easier to give things away to someone I don’t know than to give to friends and family. I gave our subsequent baby’s clothes to a cousin and instantly regretted it. Hated seeing the clothes on her baby, feeling cheated out of my other baby, who should have worn those clothes. It feels unfinished. It feels like a loss all over again, in some way, the loss of having a baby again. The pain of what they have that’s new and easy that I didn’t. Now I have a sister who is pregnant and I don’t want to give her my things. It doesn’t make sense to hold onto them. Plus they are all new, in the past 2 years, and it bothers me to just give things like that without anyone paying. So basically, I’m a real brat. It’s complicated.
May 9, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterAnon
*Meant it bothers me that I bought everything new in past two years and now it’s expected I would just pass on to family, and it feels like an extremely heavy emotional weight, on top of it, even though it’s just stuff. It’s not just stuff. You know?
May 9, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterAnon
Anon, this seems to be a recurring topic, I myself am going through the same thing (pregnant sister with same sex baby).
You are not a brat, and if you were so would I be and a whole lot of other mums here too.
Its grief, It's the ugly side of grief (I read an article about it recently and sent it to my Mum so she will get why I feel the way I do about my pregnant sister).
Could you tell her outright what you said on here 'that it feels like a loss over again'. At least you would have said the truth, that's all you can do.
And keep your baby's clothes.
I gave my sister a few unsentimental things like cotton wool pads, nappies, and clothes that I didnt particularly like. The rest is in my baby's wardrobe. Am planning to sell some of it but I will no way give ot to my sister and see her little girl in my dead baby's clothes.
Take care and so you is best for you.
Best of luck x
May 10, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterMachaela
Oh, the recurring topic was you and me on another post 😉
Love xx
May 10, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterMachaela
Hi there machaela!

Can you get me the link of that article? I would love to read it.
May 10, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterAnon
Of course, here it is :
Its about the anger we feel towards the world.
May 11, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterMachaela