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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

for one and all > Baby girl stillborn at 34+4 days

Hi all, I'm new here. Just looking for an outlet to share my pain, grief and anger with those who can relate. On April 1 my daughter Emma's heart stopped. Why we don't know. The autopsy showed nothing. We were both thriving and she was right on track. I went to the hospital due to decreased fetal movement. I just knew something wasnt right. When they couldn't find a heartbeat I fell apart. I'm still in shock. I just dont understand
I'm healthy, I've had one healthy pregnancy already
I have a 18 month old daughter. Life was great until we lost our Emma. I'm just so angry. All I think about is holding Emma and how she was taken from me too soon. My husband and I are beside ourselves that this actually happened. Its just unfathomable. Days seem to get harder and not easier. I know it takes time and its something we may never be able to accept. No one should. But I know one day we will come to terms. It just hurts a lot.
April 22, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterBernadette
Dear Bernadette,

I wish I could offer more than this, but I am so sorry for you and Emma. It has been almost a year since I lost my son. Something happened during labour that created an acute loss of oxygen. We also dont have much concrete explaination and with time that has come to matter less. The truth is he is gone and so is your dear Emma and it is so painful. The loss of August has become a part of me and so it has become easier I guess. I think more than "easier", you become used to the pain and you will find ways to keep her close. I hope you and your husband can take some time to support each other. These first months are very difficult and disorienting. You always have company here on this site and it helped me grealy during some tough weeks.... and still does. Take baths, and walks and treat yourself gently.
April 23, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterDanielle
First I am so sorry for your loss, my son Sawyer was still born March 4th, at 36 +5. I also had a healthy pregnancy, and a healthy 2 1/2 year old daughter. I am still grieving and every day is a different kind of grief the first week my husband and I simply focus on making it through and taking care of our daughter, then we focus on our love for our son and how we wanted to make his memory a happy one, it has become a daily mission to focus on how we love Sawyer and although I am grieving I'm happy he was mine/ ours. I also had a friend who unfortunately had a still birth 10 years ago tell me, " it's not that is gets better or easier, its that every day becomes more bearable", I found that helped to describe what I was feeling. I hope in some way this helps I know this place has been a comfort for me and I hope it is for you as well
April 23, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterCortney
Thank you ladies for your kind words of love and support. This has already been helpful finding this outlet with others whom I can connect with.
April 23, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterBernadette
Dear Bernadette,

I'm so very sorry to read about your little Emma. It is such a shock! The same happened to my little boy Arav three years ago at 27 weeks. It was probably a cord accident, but an autopsy didn't reveal anything specific. There is nothing really that helps, but my husband and I both found some relief in attending a support group in our city. It was good to have people who have gone through similar situations to talk to. Perhaps you can find one in your area?

Sending hugs and light,
Arav's Mom
April 24, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterArav's Mom
Bernadette,
I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Emma. I have been coming to this site for five years since the loss of my full term baby boy and it has been a rare place of refuge. The death of one's baby is its own kind of loss, the hurt and the love for me have been deep and lasting. Love to you. Try to be gentle with yourself. I also have no answers about our loss and was shocked one day five years ago to find myself here.
May 7, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterEm