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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

for one and all > Baby boy gone too soon,placental abruption

I’m new here so bare with me. Let me start by saying I have a healthy 3 & 1/2 year old boy. No complications in pregnancy at all. My delivery with him was challenging and he was stuck in my birth canal for a while due to excess cartilage i was told & I developed a fever which required IV antibiotics for a few days, but we both recovered well and were fine. Back in November 2018 I found out I was pregnant again. Went to all my appointments and checkups and everything looked good! Around 14 weeks I started bleeding and went in for an ultrasound and they said it didn’t show anything and to just take it easy. Well my bleeding continued and I called every few days telling them I was worried, they would have me come in and do an ultrasound and exam and send me on my way every time with no answers or anything. That continued for 5 long weeks. Finally, when my bleeding got heavier they told me to go to the ER where I was then transferred to l&d for monitoring and a blood transfusion due to blood loss. Two days later they discharged me and sent me home and said come back if anything changed. Well 4 days later I woke up in excruciating pain and heavy bleeding so I called the nurse line to my obgyn and since it was a Sunday they basically said oh you’re only 20 weeks just tough it out and come to the office tomorrow. I hung up the phone and immediately started to cry. Four hours later I couldn’t wait any longer and called again and said I needed to be seen and they flat out said “you’re only 20 weeks you can come to labor and delivery if you want but we probably won’t do anything.” So I went up and my contractions were three minutes apart when I got to the hospital. They told me I was probably dehydrated and fluids should stop the contractions. They didn’t. Then it changed to an infection might be the cause so antibiotics were started. Within an hour I delivered a healthy living baby boy who spent 3 hours with us before passing away.born 3/17/19 at 1015 pm and passed 3/18/19 at 121am. he was delivered with the placenta and they told me I experienced an abruption more than likely due to an ongoing infection. The office never tested me for an infection in the whole month I was going in worried from my bleeding or did any bloodwork. Also when i was discharged after having my baby my blood pressure was 90/47 which is CRAZY low for me!! And they didn’t seen to care at all?? And my hemoglobin was still low. All I keep thinking about is if they would’ve started antibiotics when the bleeding started would I still be pregnant. Someone tell me how to get through this pain & if it gets better. Also, how many of you had abruptions and healthy future pregnancies soon after? I was already told I will need to see High risk doctors in any future pregnancies. I’m still mourning but all i can think about is wanting a healthy sibling for my son to grow with. And if anyone has experience with lawsuits do you think this meets the grounds for one? I just want justice. Thanks in advance guys
April 3, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterSS
I havent experienced what you are going though.
I'm just a mum sat on the loo weeping for what will never be. I think we have that in common. I'm so very sorry that you endured baby loss.
Its unimaginable to think that they didn't check you for an infection.
Take your time to grieve, talk, cry and just be because that heals us mamas. Although we will never truely be healed, it does get easier.
Sending love and light. Machaela x
April 4, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterMachaela
I also do not have experience with placental abruption but I have my own story that ends with the heartbreaking loss of my baby boy. I too was left with so many questions about my care, and 11 months later these questions continue to come up, but don’t overwhelm me the way they did in the first months. The what if’s can be so consuming, but the truth is I got very little in the way of answers after the hospital reviewed my case and autopsy report.I can’t give any advice on lawsuits but I can just provide some love and understanding. This is such a difficult life experience to go through and to ever imagine “ coming to terms” with. I hope whatever you pursue can help your path to acceptance and some healing. Lawsuit or not, the reality is just so terribly unfair and my hearts with you.
April 7, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterDanielle

First and foremost, I'm deeply sorry you are here. It's incredibly unfair and just plain old fucked up. I haven't been on here in a while, but when I read the words "placental abruption" it brought back so many memories from nearly 1 year ago. Much like the bleeding you were experiencing, I did as well. I started bleeding heavily at 31 weeks and was told it was nothing. I was given a shot of betamethasone because it PROBABLY could be preterm birth. Three weeks later, I experienced the same heavy bleeding and this time I was told it's PROBABLY placental abruption but when I deliver, they will take care of it then and sent me home! They said they couldn't really know if that's what it was since they find that out at delivery. When I was 38 1/2 weeks along, the final bleeding episode occurred and this time they said I had the "bloody show". The doctor said he figured he will keep me this time since I'm so far along (as he's rolling his eyes because I was in already 2 times in the past weeks). Eventually, they were going to break my water. Before he could walk out the door, the final episode of blood poured out and this time he was in a panic. It took the emergency surgical team way too long to get to the hospital and by that time, it was far too late. My son was delivered emergency c-section and immediately put on life support. The pediatrician told us our son had a 0% chance of survival. He had been without oxygen for far too long resulting in irreversible brain damage. It turns out it was caused by something called a velamentous cord insertion. It is detected at 20 weeks with a doppler ultrasound, but it was never performed.

I can't give you advice on lawsuits because I think at the end of the day, it's a personal choice. Had I thought about it myself? Absolutely. Did we meet with a lawyer months later? Absolutely. Did we have a case? Absolutely. I came to a point in my life where I knew it wasn't going to bring our son back. I didn't want his untimely death to be surrounded by an ugly court case. I did, however, choose to write him a letter not to just express my anger ( which I still very much am) but to also give him a story of hope that it doesn't happen again to someone else. I had my letter proofread by a friend that's a lawyer to ensure everything was kept professional and clean. I don't regret it. He also responded with an apology letter months later. I don't think it will ever bring me a complete a piece of mind, but it gave me something.

Please be gentle with yourself and give yourself some time. There's nothing easy about going through losing a child. I think you will always live with the "what if's" There are days that are completely unbearable to walk through and there are others that you just get through it. The pain never leaves you, but it gets easier to hide the pain from others.

So much love to you mama!
April 9, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterG's mom