Hello,

I lost my son Parker penrose at 40+2 weeks pregnant on the 7/1/19. I gave birth naturally the next day. At this stage we have no answers. Just sadness in our hearts, puddles of tears everywhere we go and an empty house. At this stage I don’t know what life is anymore. The days are a blur, and I miss my Parker more than anything. If you want to hear my full birth story I am happy to post. Has anyone else lost a baby at fullterm?

Oh Ashleigh, I'm so sorry and I wish your sweet Parker were with you now. Yes, I lost a son at full term (many here have lost babies at term or during labor). This is so raw and heartbreaking. Just keep breathing in and out. You are not alone, this is not your fault, and you will (somehow) survive this. I'll be holding you in my thoughts.

Thank you for replying. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your kind words as well. I hope things do get easier. :(

Hi Ashleigh,
I lost my son at 39+6 12 weeks ago today. We also have no answers even after an autopsy and all the testing we could get. It is a life changing pain, but as anon said, you are not alone, this is NOT your fault. you will survive this. Breathe, drink water, sleep when you can, and decide right now not to abandon yourself down here in the wreckage, give yourself grace and gentleness. This grief will move and change if you let it, even though right now you can’t see it. We are doing the hardest work we humans have to do: going on without our children, and integrating this tremendous loss into our lives. I’m only 12 weeks in and I can see life returning bit by bit, little signs of hope and joy returning to my life. Your sweet Parker is in my heart and I’m thinking of you both today.

Ashleigh, sweet mama,

My heart's broken for and with you. You are not alone, but goodness do I know how much it feels like you are. My daughter died at 41 wks. I was already in labor when it was confirmed she'd died.

This is a safe space. You might find comfort in searching this forum for similar stories. There are many parents with full-term losses who've posted, which is part of why Glow is my go-to grief resource -- I've found more ppl who could relate to my story here than elsewhere. A full-term loss is uniquely brutal to endure. I'm so very sorry you are here, yet you're also in the right place if you want some company in your shock and grief.

For me, writing/telling my daughter's story has felt very therapeutic and important. If you have the energy and interest and time, I'd encourage you to share as much of Parker's birth story as you feel like. I know others here (and I) would feel honored to listen and read it. You are in good company here. We care about you and share in your grief over Parker and the void that marks his physical absence. I'd love to hear anything you'd feel comfortable sharing about your dear boy.

Sending you love and empathy, Ashleigh. xoxo

Ashleigh,
I am sorry to read about your loss of your beautiful Parker. My story is somewhat different but our baby was also full-term. Our son was born at term in an emergency c-section after I had felt decreased movement. He was born with a severe brain injury which the doctors attributed to a cord accident. He survived three days in the NICU connected to machines. We never got to bring him home. That was four and a half years ago and I think it really is about integrating the loss because I can not possibly return to my former self/life. Years have passed and I still miss him everyday and suffer his absence, even still struggle with feelings of guilt, unanswered questions, traumatic memories, etc. The first days, weeks, year, were the hardest for me but what can I say but everything is different now. I have found joy in my new self/life but part of that is to keep his memory alive. I think I will never really let go of my baby (in a mental/emotional sense). And I doubt if I will ever be at peace with his untimely death.
Love, Hugs, Compassion, and Empathy,

Thank you everyone for your replies. And I’m so sorry for all of your losses. I’m not sure what to say. I feel blank and numb but I appreciate what you have all said about grief and coping. I have a long journey ahead. But know with Parker by my side , I can do anything. Xxxxx

Hi Ashleigh, I'm so sorry that you are not holding Parker right now. A full term loss is so very difficult. You are not alone - which I remember finding both comforting and horrifying in the early days. I lost my son at 40+5 in the early stages of labor coming up on two years ago. I don't think I ever wrote out my full birth story since writing isn't particularly therapeutic for me, but many people find it very helpful. No one grieves the same way and the things that help others may not help you. Trust yourself in finding what works for you, take it one breath at a time, and you will always have a safe space here. Sending you strength.

Hi Ashleigh.

I lost my son 9 months ago at full term. I have yet to find any normalcy in my life. There are moments you hold yourself together and stay afloat and others that you simply can't bare it any longer and sink to the bottom. I have yet to find the purpose of my life. Everything changes, your perspective on life and who/what you want to spend it with. Just know you will always find someone here to help you along the way. So much love and light to you Ashleigh!

Dear Ashleigh, I am deeply sorry about Parker.My daughter was stillborn at 33 weeks on 16 July 2013, it's been almost six years and my heart still aches. Be kind to yourself. Much love and light, Jo

Ashleigh, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter at 40 weeks. It was a cord accident and I still needed to deliver her. That was 29 years ago. It does get easier as time goes on but you will think about Parker every day. When I lost Jessica, still birth was not really talked about and it made me feel like everyone forgot about her. It’s so much better now and people have more knowledge on what to say and not to say. I kept a book with her hat, baby bracelet, and all the sympathy cards I receiverd. So sorry again for your loss-it’s heartbreaking!