Ava:

I go back to work next week and I'm really not sure how it'll be. It's like those people knew the hopeful-Mom-to-be and that person is gone. I'm just a ball of sadness trying so hard to remember and forget that I was pregnant and you were alive, and then in a span of two days you were suddenly removed from me and I died but I'm still waking around.

My new world is navigating dichotomies. On December 7th I saw your face, you were wrapped up in a hospital blanket but I couldn't bring you home. We planned for your birth and death within hours of one another. I gave birth to death. I also gave birth to all my firstborn dreams, those dreams are now gone. Now, I have to face the world with a brave face and a shattered heart. How?

I don't want this world, I don't want this pain. I don't want this strength.

I'm sorry,

Your mom
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We lost our angel. Ava Skye at 36 weeks in utero. We have no answers, but its presumed to be due to a cord accident. She was born sleeping on Dec 7th, 2018. Mommy and Daddy love you.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I couldn't have said it better my self: "I don't want this world, I don't want this pain. I don't want this strength ". Lost my twin baby girls in December, Emmanouela, my first born on the 17th and Michaela, our second born on the 31st. They were born prematurely.

Tracey, I'm so sorry for the loss of your little girl. We lost our son, at full term, to a cord accident, and it's so horribly painful. And going back to work is hard. My only advice is to keep your expectations low. Don't expect your coworkers/friends to know what to say or do (though some might surprise you), or to remember to be sensitive. And don't put any expectations on yourself. I doubt there's a mom here who didn't have to quickly exit a room to go cry in a stall.
I'll be thinking of you and your sweet Ava this week - you are not alone.
Hugs to you,
J