Hi
Yesterday I went to my Pilates class for pregnant women, it is my first social contact group with other pregnant women since I lost my first baby girl Alicia last year. All the women are in their first pregnancy, and I also pretended to have my first child, because I didn’t want to tell my story. Yesterday there was a woman complaining about some stomach ache and less movement of the child for the last days. She already went to the doctor who checked everything, and everything was fine. I recommend that she should go again to have another check, since the situation had not changed in her feeling for the child’s movement. I even told her to go to hospital anytime, day or night, just to have checked everything is alright with the child. Now I still have a bad feeling, I think maybe I should’ve dragged her to the next hospital. What if there really is something wrong? I feel my own story come up again, and I wish so badly some one else had dragged me to hospital last year to save my baby‘s life. I don’t have the contacts of that woman, I cannot check if she is ok until next class.
What should I tell other pregnant women? I know I was not aware of the horrible risk in my first pregnancy and I am not sure if I would have listened to a story like that. But then I have the feeling that I have to warn them to be more careful. I don’t want to be the crazy woman telling everybody the horror story of her life. And it is still too hard for me to even speak about my daughter Alicia, especially to strangers.
What to do? Tell, freak out and be an outsider? Or not tell directly and just try to help with hints and advice?

I, personally, would talk to her at the next class, or ask the Pilates class instructor for her contact information and I know it's hard to talk about your baby but I would tell her anyway. When I talk about my baby girl and what happened it hurts so much, but I know it might be saving another from what I went through.

I was super careful during my pregnancy. I always was something of a worry wart. I went right away: right away when movement decreased. I sensed something was up. I live in a small town and was sent to another hospital about an hours drive away, then the doctor there I saw for about five minutes, he said he was on his way home: his shift was ending?! and he would review the results from my ultrasound at home and get back to me. . . They had me lying in a bed drinking juice for a couple of hours at least, he calls to say that things don't look right and that he's coming back in to perform a c-section. While I was getting prepped for surgery I felt frantic movement (I thought maybe this was a sign the baby was going to be okay, later I realized these were his last moments of trying to free himself from cord strangulation). By the time he was born: too late. It is good advice to tell the woman with decreased movement to go to the hospital, to never hesitate to go to the hospital, but you are not required to share your story if you don't want to. If she doesn't heed your advice, it's not your fault. Even if she goes, the baby could still die. So many things are up to chance. I'm inclined to think everything is.

Hi Jana, I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter Alicia.
I totally understand how you feel, my pregnancy (following the death of my first child) was full up of so many emotions and worries...
I'm not sure what advice to offer, and perhaps you've already been back to the pilates class by now? But really I just wanted to encourage you to do what feels right... as Em said, what happens to that lady's baby, is not your fault/responsibility... though at the same time, for me, seeing anyone pregnant still (after 5 years!) makes me nervous, and really hope for that mum & family that things will turn out OK. When your baby has died, like yours, like mine - like we've all experienced here - it's natural to worry and want to help make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else...
But what you choose to say, or not, about Alicia, is yours... she's your daughter, you are her mum - choosing not to talk about her is ok, it doesn't mean your love for her is any less real or true... likewise, finding a way to speak of her, in whatever ways feel right is also OK too... if only there was a simple way to ride this pregnancy after loss roller coaster!
Sending love to you through the rest of your pregnancy Jana, Z's Mum x

Ladies, thank you so much for your help and support. I checked on the woman with pain stomach and she and her baby are fine, she did have preterm labour though and did go to hospital. I was really relieved when I heard that everything was fine. You are right in telling me to share my story more openly, I am just too much of a coward. It should help myself too to accept what happened. I just wish it never had. Love and light to all of you and our babies xxx

Hi Em
your story sticks to my mind, I feel so sorry for you and your baby. And you are absolutely right, we can never be sure that our children will survive. People around me don’t get it, they believe when we would have given birth to a living rainbow child, everything will be ok. They don’t realise that we, or at least I for myself, have completely lost faith in some sense of security in life. I even fear for other family members not surviving the day even though I know it is completely irrational. But with an unborn child it’s worst, we cannot even see them really. I am just trying to appreciate every moment I can feel sort of sure that my family is alive, which is creepy somehow. I can’t believe they couldn’t get your son in time, Em. Thinking of you.