We lost son due to a velamentous cord a little over 3 months ago. I haven't found anywhere where a baby dies from it because it can diagnosed around 20 weeks. I had two incidents that brought me to the hospital prior to delivery. My doctor both times dismissed the idea that anything was fatally wrong and sent me home. I'm so angry with the doctor, but even more I'm angry with myself for not getting a second opinion and going to see someone else. My number one job was to protect my child and I failed that. Something would have been done if I would have just went to different hospital. I hate those what if moments. I would love to try for a child naturally, but we have a high chance of conceiving a child that will have a rare genetic condition where they will never learn to walk or talk. We also have a 50% chance the child will have balanced chromosomes, but will carry the gene and pass it on (my DH is a carrier). We opted for IVF so that our child doesn't have to live through any of that or ever have the possibly of having a child go through something that devastating. Our sweet little boy was conceived via IVF. Now in order to do it again, we have to start over with the cycle. I'm left with a choice to try naturally and pray that he/she has balanced chromosomes or to go through yet another expensive procedure and hopefully this time our baby survives even though I have a high chance of this happening again. We are left with choices, but at the end of the day...there's never a better choice. There's a high risk either way. What would you do?

Gabriel's mom,
I am sorry for your loss. I wish I had sound advice regarding your questions. It is terribly unfair that anyone should have to be weighing these kinds of options. I can relate to your anger at the doctor and yourself and the "what ifs." In my case, I sometimes think that if the doctor had simply done the c-section when I first came to the hospital instead of delaying it that my son would be healthy and alive today. (Even if that is so, going down that road is useless because I can't change the past and bring him back.)
Your loss is very recent. Perhaps in time you will know what decision to make? Not sure if you are concerned about maternal age but allowing myself a year to grieve before conceiving again helped me. Everyone is different though.

I am sorry you have to face these decisions. We had big risks for both my and babies health in another pregnancy too and I had to mull over, weigh up, hesitate, waver and despair for a very long time. It helped me to talk to different people - only a selected few who I trusted an valued their opinion. My partner, my two best friends, two doctors, my therapist. They took the time to listen to me, took their time to think about it, shared their sometimes very different thoughts and then we talked some more. I researched for endless hours online until I felt I knew enough about every option to make an educated decision. And then a it finally grew on me.

A few questions come to my mind. If you'd conceive naturally, how early could you test for the condition?And if you could test, and get a bad diagnosis, what would happen then? Could you handle having to decide wether to continue the pregnancy or not, should the baby have the condition - either way you chose? These are such huge question, deeply personal and impossible to answer without a doubt. But maybe, over time, you will gravitate towards an answer and be ready to make the leap of faith towards a decision.

I tried to accept that there was no perfect solution, just had to figure out which one is less shitty. In the end, we did try again and conceive, and I'd be lying if I'd say I didn't regret it at times. The pregnancy was as difficult as predicted and the stress and worry left some emotional scars. But we did get lucky that time and with a lot of medical intervention and weeks spent in the hospital, we had a healthy baby in the end. But it was a rough ride. I am wishing you both patience and perseverance to work through this and figure out what feels right for you