It's been almost a year since I lost my baby girl. I feel like everyone has forgotten her and I get the impression that I should be over it by now. I still think of her and when no one is around I cry. I don't think anyone would truly get over the loss of their baby but does it get easier? It's hard being around friend's who have young kids, my night usually ends in tears. I am tired of people saying when are you going to try again, like everything I went through was no big deal. Even though I have family, spouse and friends I feel like I can't talk to them about how I feel. If they knew how much sadness I carried they would not understand. I guess I am just wondering if anyone else feels like you have to grieve in silence?

I absolutely do. It’s so complicated all the time. I’m happy for my friends and their perfect pregnancies with perfect outcomes, I would never wish them harm but I feel like even being myself and telling the truth steals their joy. I’ve sadly become the “I’m fine” person rather than owning my pain in public- honestly, out of self preservation. It’s exhausting to be real when no one seems to get it, so yes... I suffer in silence. It also hasn’t been a year for me and like you, I am hoping this changes. I’ll never stop talking about my daughter so I’m clinging to the hope that in a new season of life, everyone will be more understanding? No resolutions to offer but wanted you to know you are not alone and I am living the same life.

I am so sorry for your loss. I found the people around me moved on very quickly and expected me to too. It was a very isolating experience for me and I found the silence turning into bitterness. I had to allow other babyloss mums to befriend me, to let these new people into my life, so I could move forward with my grief in a more healthy and supported way. I find the more I am able to share my daughter within the babyloss community, the more able I am to be around old family and friends who do not acknowledge her anymore. It has taken time for me to respond in this way, but I feel the bitterness gradually untwisting and my grief and memories have the freedom to flow again.

Love and gentleness to you.

Mango x

Yes, absolutely, I have felt that way. As Mango said, it really helped to meet other loss parents and to speak to a therapist who specializes in perinatal loss. I found the group through the MISS foundation (in the US) and almost four years out, I’m still in touch/friends with parents I met there. But honestly, another thing that has helped, and this took time, is that I stopped caring about making other people uncomfortable by talking about my daughter. So I talk about her and people are uncomfortable...but you know with my good friends, those who have stuck with me these four years, they now know and understand what a gift it is to talk about her, recognize that she was here, etc, how much of a presence her absence is in my life, that they talk about her too. But I think also that means having some difficult heart to heart conversations in some cases about what you need. There is no wrong way to grieve but some of the people who care about you might need some guideposts on how to be there for you. But I don’t think I could have done it without the help/guidance of my therapist and support group friends. Hugs Lily, and gentleness too.

I totally understand. My daughter would be three today and while the last year has been softer I still think and miss her daily. I had been more open and vulnerable about my grief the first year and was basically grief bullied and shamed by a family member. Since then, I have been more private about it. It’s a way to protect her memory and my emotions I have friends who have been through stuff and they get it . One thing I’ve had to accept as time passed is that no one feels the full impact of her death like my husband and I. In that way we are alone and have had to lean on each other. While at times I feel as though she’s forgotten, I feel it’s better to protect her memory than hear some hurtful platitude again and again.

But Glow and other loss groups are the place to go because we get it. We know how this journey sucks and that there is no right wrong way to grieve. Grief and loss are very individual but always a reflection of love. I am so sorry you are going through this.