It’s been 2 weeks since we lost our beautiful baby girl Harper. I hadn’t felt her moving so I went to this hospital to find there was no heartbeat. I never would have imagined we would lose her at 34 weeks. We held her and she was perfect. Why does this happen? What could I have done to protect her? Why doesn’t anyone talk about this possibility? The umbilical cord was wrapped around her twice and compressed. I miss her so much I sometimes still think I feel her moving. Wish I could see her grow up. I wake up screaming every night wishing this was a nightmare. How do I go on living?

Dear Jess,

I’m so very sorry this has happened to you. It’s still so raw - please just know, in these excruciating first weeks, I’m promise you that you will find a way through this. It’s been 14 months since we lost our son, and Glow was a haven for me in my darkest nights. I hope it can be that refuge for you also.

I’m heartbroken for you and your beautiful bay girl xx

Jess, I am heartbroken for you at the loss of your beautiful baby Harper. I love her name.

It has been just over 8 weeks since I lost my own baby girl. Her death was also a terrible shock - one that my husband and I did not see coming. She was born with a rare heart defect that was not detected in utero, and she lived only three days. Like your Harper, M was absolutely perfect - a beautiful baby with no outward physical signs that anything could be wrong. I, too, have struggled with the questions you ask - why does this happen, and why does no one speak of this possibility? Especially towards the end of my pregnancy, I felt so confident that everything with M was going to be great. Her heartbeat was always strong and her ultrasounds were excellent. The nursery was ready, the clothes were put away, my family and friends were so happy and excited. There was never any warning that we could lose her. I guess no one wants to speak of these possibilities because it's just too painful to even fathom, but I know that the shock of the loss was so great, and I sense that you feel the same way. As far as why this happens...I have come to the conclusion that nature can just be cruel, and that in the game of life, there is always someone who gets dealt the bad cards. It is not much of a comfort, but that is the only way I can reason through it at this point.

Be extremely kind and gentle with yourself right now. If friends and family offer help (around the house, with groceries, bringing meals), don't feel guilty for even a second about accepting it. Try to take things one day, one hour, or even one breath at a time. Sending you love and healing thoughts.

Jess,
I am so sorry for your loss.
I also felt a lack of movement in late pregnancy and went to the hospital, my baby boy was delivered in an emergency c-section at 36 weeks, was born with a severe brain injury caused by the umbilical cord and died three days after birth. This was nearly four years ago and I miss him everyday. I feel like I have healed in many ways but also that I will always grieve this terrible loss. I read somewhere that grief is a wound we don't seek to ever completely heal because it binds us to the one(s) we have lost. Reading and reaching out to other loss mamas has helped me.