It’s been two days since I lost my son and watched as hospital staff take his lifeless body away. As I write this, I clutch the blanket he was wrapped in.

I can’t stop bleeding. I can’t stop drinking and smoking. I can’t shower. I haven’t eaten. I’ve drank enough water to take my morning and afternoon pills. I’m sitting in bed crying and wishing for him to be in my belly still. This is a nightmare, right? I can wake up tomorrow and my belly will still be swollen, ribs bruised from kicks. I had hyperemesis every single day. I knew something was wrong when my ribs healed and I no longer threw up my dinner. What I’d give for that to be the case.

I’m so sad. Sad isn’t the right word. My life, my plans have been ripped away. I was advised not to try again until the autopsy results come back/my blood work comes back. That’s not fair. I just want to start now. I want to give Kennedy a little sibling and I want to tell that sibling all about their older sibling.

I’m scared of my husband and I spitting over this. We just cry and cry and cry. How do I function?

Sarah, I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your precious son. Can you tell us more about this beautiful child? He was obviously so loved.

I am only 7 weeks out from the loss of my daughter. My husband and I were absolutely blindsided by her death - she was born at full term and we did not know anything was wrong with her until she was born. She only lived for three days after being diagnosed with an extremely rare heart defect that was not seen on ultrasound.

As I am new to this awful world of infant loss, I’m also struggling to function. But I have to say that what kept me remotely sane in the first days following M’s passing was the help of family and friends. Do you and your husband have some support nearby to lean on? Someone who can help around the house, bring you meals, talk to, cry with? I am sure that those who love you want to help. I hope you can reach out to people who care.

Stay strong - these are dark days, I know. Be extremely gentle and kind with yourself. You’ve just been through something we’d all never wish on our worst enemies. Love and hugs to you, mama. Xoxo

Sarah and M's mama - I'm so sorry for the loss of your babies, and the pain you are going through. I am coming close to the year mark of losing my baby in labor 5 days after his due date and thinking back to those early days - everything was such a blur and so painful.

Sarah - for now, the only advice I have for you is to be gentle with yourself and with your husband - take it one breath at a time. It's so difficult but remember that you are both grieving, you may grieve differently and on different timelines, and the best you can do is just let each other grieve the way that works for each of you and be there when needed - sometimes you will be in the same place, other times you won't - but remember and remind each other often that you are there for what the other needs and you are in it together. For now, just take it one breath at a time, one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time - and let yourself feel whatever you feel in that moment without judgment.

I'm sorry you are still undergoing the physical healing process - it is so unfair that after our babies are gone, we also have to deal with all the physical discomfort and healing. Advice varies greatly on how long to wait to try again and people's experiences vary widely - some people try immediately, others end up waiting based on medical advice or just for their own emotional healing process, others never try again. You are still so early in this - allow yourself to physically heal and have your period come back, then talk to your doctor again about timing or seek a second opinion. Sending you strength and love.

Sarah, I am so sorry about your sweet baby, Kennedy. I agree with SR- just be gentle with yourself. You don't need to shower or get out of bed if that seems too hard. Cry as much as you need to.

Sarah, this is a couple of weeks after your first post. I'm thinking of you tonight. Let us know how you are, okay? We have all been there too. Sending you lots of love. xoxo

Oh my goodness. Thank god for this website. This is the only space that has really resonated with me and this post just jumped out. I lost my little girl 2 days ago and this is the first time I’ve put it in writing. Sarah, I know exactly how you feel and dream of a moment when I feel like myself again. I’m deep in grief and so exhausted. I am grateful to have my partner and little boy who is 2 lighten up my day with his joy and affection. Sarah, I hope you are ok and you can now see some light ahead.