It's been just over two months since we lost our precious little girl. I thought I was doing ok. I mean - I was crying and feeling the loss - but I was still alive - I could feel the wind - I could feel the warmth of the sun. But this week, something's changed. It's all slipping away. Everything feels grey & faded. I don't want to sleep, I don't want to think. I can't seem to connect to anyone. My husbands sleeps in the same bed but I feel alone. I would talk about it - but I don't want to. I don't want to do anything.

Wouldn't it be amazing if I woke up early tomorrow morning and felt loved. Really felt loved - no fake smiling or nodding - but really felt it. Wouldn't it be amazing if tomorrow the doctors call me & tell me I'm pregnant. And it's her again - her little soul has come back to me - and this time she'll be healthy - she'll live. ....in reality - it will be amazing if I get outside tomorrow.

It's hasn't even been a year. Mother's day isn't even here yet. Where will find the strength to get thru it all? I am already empty.

Grey, I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved daughter. I, too, lost my infant daughter...it hasn’t even been two months yet, but almost. I really resonated with your post. I wish so badly that I was still pregnant with M...but that when she was born, she wouldn’t be sick. She would live, and come home to my husband and me, the way it should have been.

Right now I am taking things hour by hour...sometimes minute by minute. Each day is a struggle. I thank God for my husband, family and friends. I hope that you have a support system to lean on. As far as Mother’s Day goes...I know, I’ve already been dreading it too. I think I’ll try to spend that day remembering the little beauty who made me a mom. Our daughters wouldn’t want us to suffer on that day. Even though we will be sad, maybe we can try to do something special for ourselves. No matter what, I know our daughters are watching over us, and want us to be happy again.

Love to you as we navigate this strange new world.