I know there’s so much good in this world - so many kind people, amazing things, but sometimes I can’t see this place as anything other than something horrible... a friend told me of another baby stillborn at full-term yesterday. It’s the saddest, most cruelest thing in the world, or among them - the thought that a much wanted, beautiful baby could get robbed at the chance of life, and then the devastated parents must live with the unimaginable forever... And then it hits me again... not that I ever truly forget, but it’s been more than two years, and it’s different now... but this is my reality too. My life has equally devastating photos of the short time we spent with our son. Sometimes these thoughts take my breath away, and I wonder how I can continue in this world - one where perfect babies can be made only to suffer or die... one that stole my precious baby. I want to adopt a more consistently positive outlook, for the sake of my living family members, but how does one do this, being so aware, and also victim of, one of life’s biggest tragedies? A tragedy that happens rarely yet also very frequently. Anyone here have suggestions as to how to see the world as something other than its own brand of hell? I post this thankful for the good in my life but just devastated for this new family who’s joined our ranks, as many do each day, and for my first born son who never took a breath.

Matthew's mom, I am so sorry for your loss! I can definitely understand why hearing of another family's recent experience would intensify your own grief! Unfortunately, the main thing that eased the pessimism for me seemed to be time. Yes, there are coping skill you can utilize, but they only get you so far. Keeping a gratitude journal can be helpful (I use G.L.A.D., which means writing down one thing I am grateful for, one thing I have learned, one thing I have accomplished, and one thing I took delight in for the day). Doing things to contribute to the world in a positive way (volunteering, sending thoughtful messages to friends or even strangers, etc...) can serve as a reminder that there is good in the universe. But still, time is really the only thing that helped turn me from an extreme pessimist into a...less extreme pessimist.

After my baby died, I was also left with this uncomfortable realisation that the world is a horrible place.I experienced it as a traumatic rupture in my world view and found it deeply distressing.I felt like I'd lost the last of my innocence and naivety about life, and also the ability to shield myself from all the suffering around me.It all became unbearably painful at times and I just couldn't see a way to live with this darker side of life.

However, this growing realism also made me accept how fragile life is and made me more grateful for those things I still had in my life and that I am able to hold onto. I now find I have to exercise a lot more choice and control over my exposure to the outside world. For example, I find I have to limit my exposure to deeply distressing situations and keep my stress levels down or else my trauma can be retriggered unexpectedly and I'm left floundering. During these times, I also find it really important to up my levels of self care and to seek out more understanding and compassionate environments for myself, people and places that restore some gentleness and trust to my life perspective. It's not easy, but I try not to give up on this mad, crazy world we live in.