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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

for one and all > I just want to talk about her for a minute

It has been a little over 3 years since I lost Ruby. I don't get to talk about her much. I think people think that there really isn't anything to be said at this point. Yes, she died. But she also never lived. This means that people have nothing nice to say about her, no memories to share, no stories to tell. It is impossible to talk about her without talking about death. I think people find talking about her or hearing about her depressing. But I find not talking about her depressing. I still miss her everyday. I don't eat, sleep, and breathe her name anymore, but she crosses my mind daily and I find myself wishing and wondering.

I wish people would say her name occasionally. I wish more people would acknowledge that she existed. She made me a mother. I am so thankful to her for that.

She will always be a part of me. I love her with all of me. Always, always, always.
August 8, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterRuby's Mom
I sense that with some people in our life already and it'll just be one year next Tuesday that Evelyn was born and a year next Wednesday that she passed away. I often have to fight the urge to say to others, "What if one of your children died? Would you be "over it"? Could you ever stop speaking their name, missing them, loving them?" Of course not, it's absurd when put that way but somehow, it never really gets seen in that light. I've been told it's too painful to which I'd like to say, "...but we don't have to consider it, it's our reality, each and every day."

Your Ruby is loved and she is cherished. And she will always, always be your daughter. Thank you for sharing Ruby with us today and allowing us to remember her with you.
August 8, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa
Thinking of your little Ruby. What a pretty name and what a beautiful description of how we keep loving our babies.
August 8, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterK West
I picture Ruby as a beautiful child. I picture you as the best Mother. Thank you so much for wanting to talk about her today. I am sorry for your loss. The name Ruby makes me smile. I see a pretty smile on a cute baby. You are in my thoughts.
August 8, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTerri Haire
Ruby's mom.

It's like I'm reading my own mind. Thank you for letting me know that I'm not alone.
Next tuseday it's been 3 years since little miss S was borned still. Thinking of your beautiful Ruby.
August 8, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterScandinavian endo-girl
Hi Ruby's mom--of yes--I remember Ruby. It was 3 years on June 13 for us that our little girl was born still. Missing Ruby with you.
August 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAB
What a beautiful name you chose for your little angel baby girl! I understand how important for you is to hear people saying her name. But the most important is that Ruby is safe in your heart and her name is graved there forever.
August 11, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterElise's mom
I could have written this post myself, Ruby's Mom. I feel the exact same about my son Hunter. Remembering your dear girl Ruby with you.
August 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterShannon
Ruby's Mom:
I'm right there with you. My Olivia will be gone for 5 years on the 25th. I can't believe it's been that long... I feel exactly the same way you so eloquently wrote. Missing our little girls together.
August 17, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJoanne
Thank you all so much for your kind words! As always, I am so appreciative of the community here, but I also wish it didn't have to exist.
August 21, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterRuby's Mom
When my daughter passed , I knew family and friends would forget her. So I made a promise to myself that I would never forget her and that I will always think of her everyday. I say my daughter name all the time. I call to her and talk to her as if she was right in front of me. I wished family and friends would say her name but I think they don’t because they feel it would hurt me but it won’t. Actually it would make me happy that someone would say her name. I remember a friend said my daughters name and I gasped and almost cried, not out of sadness but out of joy that someone actually remembered her and said her name.

Once a loved one leaves us from this world, we don’t say their names as much or never call out to them. This is why when we had our rainbow baby, we decided together to name our rainbow baby with almost the same name as our daughter who passed.
November 19, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAlex