search discussions

glow in the woods

front page
the archives
what is this place?
the contributors
comment policy
contact

Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

for one and all > Selling baby stuff -years post loss

Even though we have a rainbow (a newly adopted baby), as she gets older I find myself selling baby things. I guess I just am trying to be minimal, and practical, and get some money since we paid for our own adoption. But someone in my family wants to buy/use them as she is due soon. Why does this hurt? I have used this stuff for our rainbow, and yet I still don't want to give it to family, I'd rather a stranger use it. Makes me feel like I am an awful person. I guess it's because I am saying I am done having babies. And that I won't have another biologically. And she is, and I'm still jealous of that. How can I be so happy to have the beautiful baby I do and yet still feel shorted and angry and sad? Did any of you feel this when it was time to get rid of baby things?
August 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterErin
I completely understand what you are feeling and have felt and still do feel all those things. Also, I have not gotten rid of anything and I have an 18 month old. The idea of anybody using any of it feels uncomfortable, and if and when I do decide to get rid of any it I wouldn't want anyone I know to have any of it. For now all of the clothes are in huge totes and it will probably stay that way. Do what feels right to you, no matter what other people may thing you should or shouldn't do.
August 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda
My husband wanted to give all the baby stuff we had collected to a family member, who was due 8 weeks after our loss. I told him that this new baby would already be hard for me, and seeing it wear or use the things that we picked out for our baby was going to make it that much harder. We ended up donating everything (we have an international move coming up and I wouldn't cart baby stuff across the globe on the off-chance we have another). I agree with Amanda - do what feels right for you and don't worry about what anyone thinks of that choice.
August 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSR
These were being posted on an online garage sale site, which is how she saw them. I didn't offer or expect family to take them, I thought it would be someone else from the general area. I hate the thought of their baby in the things that are so tied up in our story of loss and a new baby years later. They don't represent a happy story but a mix of complicated emotions and her life with kids has been without so much as a scratch. I will just stop posting the items online and hope that she stops asking me to hand down things. I can't talk or think about her new baby. I am all thrown off today just thinking about giving these things to her. It's like "be happy! Be practical! Life goes on!" I don't feel that way.
August 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterErin
Our attachment to our baby's things is always weird. I had some clothes that I kept and didn't use even on my rainbow!
But I borrowed the stroller once to good friends who came to visit us with their baby. So its first usage was with their little girl and not our little angel or his baby brother!
My daughter started using his baby clothes on her dolls... but I had to go through them with her and choose what I would let her use.
In both cases it made me feel good... I was giving or lending them.
Perhaps you should sepparate for your family a few things you don't mind them having, or, instead of selling/giving, you LEND, and they give them back a few time later.
I use a loooot of lent stuff that belongs to my aunt, used by my cousins. I give it back, each time.
But so you know, she lends me baby clothes but not all. Some things that belonged to my first cousin, her only girl who died 36h after birth, those she didn't part with. Eventhough I had a girl and the rest was boys stuff!

Be gentle with yourself, give or lend what you can, but be honest with family and just explain what you can and cannot part with.
They are grown ups that decided to have a baby... if they really need this or that, and you don't feel like giving/─║ending it away.... they can go buy it themselves!
August 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMarta
Hi, I completely understand. I have this super protective attitude towards my baby's(Julian) belongings. I have an additional problem where I had saved hand me downs from older brother and we never got to use them. Even though my firstborn got to wear these clothes, I now feel they belong to Julian and I can't even look through the boxes in the garage. I can't even begin to think about giving them away. It's like I don't want to part with them and that's OK. It's so hard.
August 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLizette