I'm having a hard day. I'm so thankful for my two children I have with me but this week should have been my baby's due date and I feel so sad. They want to play but all I want to do is lay in bed and cry. Should I take medication? I've currently locked myself in the bathroom crying my eyes out trying to type this. It's a daily struggle of me wanting to be a good mom but at the same time just wanting to quit and give up on everything. I just wish I had one friend. I've never been outgoing. I guess I have it ok. I have family and church but no one I can really talk to. My husband told me "to have friends I have to act friendly". Right now I feel like my acting is maxed out. Someone from my church had a baby and she plasters the pictures all over social media. Yes I know she's proud of it but I feel like it's a knife to my heart. This is the same person who sent me Bible verses every day after my son was stillborn. It's easy to type a Bible verse when you've never had to bury your child or you are holding a living baby. I know she was trying to help but it didn't. I'm just lonely and sad and broken and hiding from my family in the bathroom drowning in tears waiting for my son's due date to pass with my empty arms and heart. I want to be a good mother to my two kids that are here. I'm just failing. My family can't afford therapy. We are already crushed under the weight of hospital bills. I'm sorry for such a long post. I'm just so sad and lonely and I miss my baby.

Hugs to you during this hard day.

Sending you strength and hugs on the hard days. I hear you on the acting - on some days I feel like everyone around me must be able to see able that I have a gruesome mask on as I try to pretend to care about their issues and small talk.
I know you said you can't see a therapist, but are there any support groups in your area? Alternatively a friend told me about these online support groups that Star Legacy does - http://starlegacyfoundation.org/for-families-and-friends/. I've never participated in one but you might find it felt helpful and less lonely.
Remember to be gentle with yourself - you are going through one of the hardest things a woman can go through and that can take some time. dDon't punish yourself or think you are doing something wrong when you need time alone to grieve - whether that's not diving in to try to make new friends (I can't imagine doing that right now) or taking a break from playing with your kids.
xx

Oh how I wish I could sit beside you and cry with you. Please know that your sadness and grief is natural. Mojave found many grief resources on line and some beautiful books which have helped tremendously. I am prsyingbfornyou and your sweet family. Hugs.

Apparently I should have previewed my post! :)