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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

for one and all > Wondering why I'm still sad

It's been 4 months since I lost my baby. I was only 3 months along but the connection and future I had for my new family was strong. I went through a lot of grief the first month and then it turned to anger. I couldn't understand why it happened... my mind was wondering and searching for answers. Now here I am 4 months passsed and I still think about my miscarriage everyday, not a lot of people around me understand why I'm still so sad. I wonder myself why I'm still sad.... I thought the pain would pass but it won't. I'm terrified to try again the pain and sorrrow of the miscarriage was almost unbearable. I didn't have drugs the doctors didn't give me answers and the next day after my doctors visit I went into labor. It took 3-4 days to pass everything I had no idea what to expect. My partner doesn't feel the same grief as me and i wish he did so he could understand what I'm going through. Has anytime else experienced prolong depression from their miscarriage? What steps did you take to heal and deal with life again?
July 30, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda
Amanda, I'm very sorry for the loss of your baby. I don't wonder why you are sad at all......... You lost your baby and suffered a very traumatic miscarriage. I don't think you are experiencing "prolonged" depression- I think you are experiencing grief. Everyone feels things on a different timeline and I don't think yours deserves to be rushed along because you think you were not as far along as others. Everybody here knows grief is grief and loss is hard no matter how far long a pregnancy is.

Honestly it sounds to me like everything you are feeling is totally normal and you shouldn't be so hard on yourself or expect your sadness to be on a shorter timeline. Be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to grieve on whatever timeline you need. Partners/husbands not feeling the same is a common occurrence with loss I'm afraid. Especially earlier on when they may not feel as connected to a pregnancy. I would suggest perhaps finding a support group with other women who you can chat to in person about the loss (or just here- so many of us have experienced a variety of losses at all different points of pregnancy and after birth) . And if you feel that your grief is taking over your life or you are needing more support perhaps look for a good psychologist?

Ultimately just let the feelings come as they come and know that you won't feel this way forever- joy will return, you just need to be patient. Big hugs x
July 31, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterShelby's Mum