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glow in the woods

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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

for one and all > I'm so thankful for this site...

Hi there,

It's been 24 weeks since I held my third son, Sage William. He was stillborn at 37 weeks because of a tight knot in the umbilical cord. It was the most blunt-force-trauma shock and it feels like an insane, surreal nightmare. In the days and weeks after he was born, I read every story of stillbirth I could find on the internet. There was something somewhat helpful in knowing that this has happened to other families...because I've never known anyone in my life to have experienced a late-term stillbirth. Since January, I've known about 5 moms who have given birth to alive babies. Finding Glow in the Woods was beyond wonderful. Pouring over the posts and identifying so much of my own emotions in the words of others....knowing I wasn't the only one.... knowing on some level that I'm not completely alone in this insanity... it's been invaluable. Thank you to all who have shared their hearts here. 💜

I want to share Sage's story here, in the hope that it helps someone out there. If I continue typing, I'm sure I'll start rambling... so for now, here it is. I wish whomever is reading this love, peace and healing (that I'm learning will probably take a lifetime and is a slow, gradual, non-linear process). My heart grieves with yours.
July 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSRS
Thank you for sharing the link to your story. I've read lots of baby loss stories and have met many baby loss moms in person but your story comes closest to mine out of everything I've encountered.

My third baby, third son, was stillborn at 37 weeks. A couple days prior I had gone to the OB for a routine checkup and heartbeat was good, nothing out of the ordinary. I remember the next couple of days his movements felt different, perhaps more like thuds than kicks but I remembered that when I got to the end of pregnancy with my other two their movement felt different as well. One night I didn't feel any movement so I called my OB and was advised to go to the hospital. I had my husband stay home with the boys because I didn't want to have to wake everyone up, plus in my mind I was going to get reassured.

I had to call my husband to tell him our son was dead. Then, and this is where our stories diverge for a bit, I was immediately whisked to L&D for induction. I feel like this worked well for me personally. I was stoic through labor and didn't collapse/sob/wail until the morning after his delivery. This was June 2016. We do not have a cause of death despite thorough testing.

Since then life has been a whirl of grief/depression/PTSD. In my case, a long delay to return to fertility (6 months and required both bromocriptine and provera to finally get my body out of lactation induced amenorrhea...I didn't pump at all but produced milk for four months anyway) followed by a 6 week miscarriage. [TW: pregnancy] I'm now 23 weeks along in another pregnancy.

Again, thanks again for sharing. The similarities between our stories help me to feel less alone.
July 14, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMom2htb
SRS, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Sage. I am glad you found Glow, and you know that you are not alone. I truly feel your pain, and so does everyone else here. Please lean on this forum as much as you need to for support. We will be here to keep sharing with you, and to help you on your grief journey. Sage will always be a beloved part of your family, no matter what. <3
July 14, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNada