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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

for one and all > I am sure she was beautiful

Hi all,

There have been so many difficult work/social occasions since my daughter died seven months ago. Most have been due to people's awkwardness or perhaps plain ignorance - lucky them!

I just felt the need to share what happened today.

A patient of mine came to see me today and the last time I had seen her had been in the supermarket about two weeks before Eleanor was born. She hadn't seen me for some time and being very "baby orientated" had been excitedly discussing Eleanor's imminent birth.
So she came in today and enthusiastically asked - well was it a boy or a girl! - I replied my usual phrase " I had a lovely daughter but sadly she died a few hours after she was born"
Her eyes filled with tears and she was totally shocked - as per usual - then she said " I am so sorry. What is her name -I am sure she was beautiful."
It touched my heart. It was the best and kindest immediate response I have had.
Having had so many difficult and frankly unpleasant conversations it is easy to think that that is all there is.
This response gave Eleanor recognition and I thanked her for it.

Most of the time I am shocked by the poor, shamed and ignorant responses I get. I get the feeling it is the same for most of us.
But today my heart was warmed.

Thinking of all you beautiful babies XX
July 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKE
Wow KE, that is so beautiful. How considerate of your patient, to talk to you about Eleanor rather than shying away, or saying something awkward / offensive.

That makes me so happy to hear :)I am so happy she remembered Eleanor with you.

People like your patient are rare, but when they come around and truly recognize our babies, I believe it brings a little piece of healing to our hearts. <3
July 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNada
What a lovely thing to say. Some people just have all the right instincts. It's so comforting to be around them.
July 8, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAna
beautiful repsonse from that lady, warms the heart
July 8, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterstill0517
KE, I'm so glad you had this experience with your patient. This patient - this woman truly is an empathetic, kind, and beautiful person. Their aren't many who can embrace someone like this. I'm so thankful she was able to speak Eleanor's name and talk about her with you.

I work with patients everyday and I could write a book on the awkwardness, ignorance, or just plain non-acknowledgement of Carter since my return. Each one of those interactions causes hurt. But like you, I had one patient who sat with me in my grief, cried with me, spoke Carter's name, and asked to see a picture of him. This woman is truly special. And that, too, made my day. I'll likely always remember her and her actions.

I truly am glad you had this experience. It doesn't change all the bad interactions we've had but it lets us know that people out there, like this, do exists. Thinking of sweet Eleanor. Many hugs.
July 8, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJenna
Thats so nice, im glad you had this experience with this lovely woman. Its refreshing other than the usual awkward expressions.
July 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterConfused
This is so lovely - thank you for sharing this experience with us.
July 10, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSR
I love this post. Thank you for it. This is so true. It's delightful when someone can touch your heart in such a gentle way.
July 11, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBeckie
I had a friend like this. She always seemed to say the "right" thing, even if short and simple. She was also one of my only friends with a child at the time. Glad you had this experience today- when someone seems to get it, it can lighten the load for a moment.
July 12, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAbby