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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

for one and all > In-laws being insensitive

I'm currently waiting for my third miscarriage to start and finish. Hcg results and lack of symptoms...I'm already in the denial stage. Making plans for if/when I'll need surgery, working so hard to not eat and drink away the pain. I have three living children, 6,5 and 2 years old. This is my second miscarriage in a row.

But what has been hurting the most is that my mil sent me an email on Friday telling me she is praying etc. Then Sunday she sends me another email with a picture of my sister in law holding up a 12 week sign. Why couldn't this cute little picture waited a few days, a week, maybe once I've passed the remains? I know she is pregnant and I'm truly happy for her. She lost her first born almost 3 years ago at 37 weeks. But right now as I'm waiting, I'm needing sensitivity and cautious wording.
After my first miscarriage, my mil came to help me with my first two young children. As I'm actively micarrying she excitedly shows me pictures of the baby quilt for her daughter. After my second miscarriage, my fil sent awful books stating that miscarriage and other disasters are caused by sin.
We don't have the best relationship, but I really want to tell them how hurtful they are. Am I just being emotional? Am I overreacting? Should I just forget, forgive and move on?
I'm so hurt and sad and angry. At them. And that I'm going thru this again.
My husband is equally hurt but doesn't think it's worth our time to tell them.
Thanks for letting me vent. I'm so grateful tho be able to share here.
June 26, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterEliW
oh EliW, I'm so sorry you are in this situation again. The waiting is really stressful- I've been there- waiting 2 weeks for a natural miscarriage then needing surgery anyway. I hope things move along for you so the worry surrounding the physical process can be done with and you can focus on your emotional needs.

Now, your MIL. I could pass off the photos and the quilt as being ignorant and insensitive but sending you books stating miscarriage is caused by sin? That's absolutely disgraceful! What has your husband said about this? In my opinion it is his job to get her back in line- you have enough on your plate with what you are going through and I think the last thing you need is this woman pushing stupid (and untrue) pieces of bull crap into your face. Could you ask him to deal with her so you can focus on yourself? I'm so sorry she is causing you more pain and that she is not more sensitive to what you are going through.
June 26, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterShelby's Mum
first of all, sorry for you loses, misscarriages suck and no one seems to understand what your body goes through, that you go through labour and the waiting came is horrible.

Oh the in-laws..... I am always jealous of those who have a great relationship with their inlaws, I not so much as well. I cant believe what your MIL said to you while you were activly misscarrying last time, and then this time with your SIL post.. come on..

I talk to my therapist almost exclusivly about my inlaws, and how they act, how they push their faith on us and make our losss when it happened as an act of god,, blah blah blah... your father in law can bite it when it comes to his books. I wouldnt talk to him after that. Like above it is definately a conversation that needs to happen by your husband about how much disrespect adn nisensitivlty they are showing.. if they are people of God.. they sure arent acting like it. As my therapist says, to ease the blow as you are married into the family and they come with it.. picture a five year old saying fuck and just turn away adn ignore it, they dont know what they are doing, what they are saying. Though I think in this case it needs to be brought up.

Im sorry you have to deal with them in this difficult time. You shouldnt have to feel this way while you are physically in turmoil.

*hugs*
June 29, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterstill0517