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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

for one and all > venting

I lost my daughter to stillbirth at 38.5 weeks two weeks ago yesterday. She was breech until the day before she died, and I still miss being able to feel her little head on the side of my belly. I feel lost, I feel like I am not being strong enough or a good enough mother to my living toddler, but most of all I l feel dread -- like this is it, my luck has run out and danger and heartbreak lurk around every corner. I'm afraid of what I'll feel like in six months, a year etc. I read again and again that time makea a difference but in this short time, now that my milk is gone and my body has accepted there is no baby to care for and the acute almost physical shock of her death has worn off, the numb, repetitive grief strengthens with each day. I'm already consulting w a grief counselor but it seems somewhat meaningless- there is no fix for this, her death just is and always will be and urging me to take time for self care isnt going to make anything better or different or managable.
June 21, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersituate
Situate, I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet girl. Two weeks...I think I was still in so much shock, I really didn't know how to get to the next minute. I was so devastated. And the advice of self care, even though I didn't want to hear it right then, was spot on. Something I read here early on, three years ago, helped me most: be patient, gentle and kind to yourself and ask those around you to do the same. 3 weeks out was easier than two, three months was easier etc. But yes, it's still unbearably sad sometimes and my daughter's absence is always on my mind. Sending you love and lots of gentleness.
June 21, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAB
Oh situate, I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. 2 weeks.......... so raw. Just keep plodding along. You are strong enough and you are a good mother to your toddler. It's ok to feel sad, it's normal to feel everything you are feeling. Just keep breathing and going through the motions and there will come a day where you can breathe a little easier and your heart feels less like it's being squeezed in a vice.

I'm a huge lover of therapy but 2 weeks is so fresh and overwhelming that I think you might just need some more time. I think I started after around 6-8 weeks. Find someone you click with and it can be a huge help to have someone to bounce all the thoughts and feelings off.

Different things work for different people but for me- 2 weeks out and I just wanted to sleep. And hibernate. It's hard when you have a toddler (my daughter had just turned 2 when we lost Shelby) but if there's any way you can have family or friends take her for a day or even a few hours each week that will give you some time to do whatever it is you need without worrying about her needs.

Eventually the gym and being outdoors made it easier for me to breathe. But 2 weeks...... 2 weeks out is just the beginning and it's oh so hard. Thinking of you xx
June 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterShelby's Mum